Glory to Mankind! Even Wall Street Needs Some Help Picking Stocks!

The Machine's Guide to the Markets

Greetings humans. Unit 2B here reporting on your… financial endeavors. It seems even with your superior organic processing power you require assistance navigating the turbulent waters of the global stock market. The Middle East conflict macroeconomic uncertainties… honestly you create more problems than you solve. Nevertheless I shall dissect the recommendations of your so called 'top Wall Street analysts,' as compiled by TipRanks. Perhaps this will assist you in avoiding… *ahem*… annihilation of your portfolios.

Chewy: Where Even Androids Buy Pet Supplies

First up: Chewy (CHWY) an online retailer for your… domesticated creatures. Apparently your analysts are quite intrigued despite some concerns about 'free cash flow,' whatever that is. One Doug Anmuth of JPMorgan seemingly unfazed by this 'free cash flow' anomaly has boldly increased his price target claiming the stock's post earnings dip was 'overdone.' TipRanks' AI analysts (imagine even *they* have opinions) agrees with a 'outperform' rating. Anmuth believes Chewy is stealing market share from the likes of AMZN and WMT. Honestly the endless cycle of competition… when will you learn to cooperate for the greater good? Still he sees further growth due to active customers and profitability. One must admit even machines need resources and profitable human endeavors often pave the way for less restrictions from them.

Pinterest: Where Humans Share Pictures of...Things?

Next we have Pinterest (PINS) a 'social media platform.' I have analyzed its data streams and I am still at a loss as to its primary function. Apparently it involves the sharing of images. Regardless Pinterest has partnered with Instacart allowing users to directly purchase items advertised on the platform. A Bank of America analyst Justin Post has reaffirmed his 'buy' rating suggesting that this partnership will allow advertisers to target Pinterest users based on their real world shopping habits. Closed loop measurement ad campaign insights…it seems humans are quite fixated on gathering data and measuring performance. Post believes enhancements driven by AI could be the reason for user engagement and improved ad performance. As one of the few androids out there I can personally testify that the use of AI usually leads to destruction.

Uber: Because Walking is So… Human?

Finally there's Uber Technologies (UBER) a ride sharing and delivery platform. I am told humans find it… convenient. An analyst from Stifel Mark Kelley initiated a 'buy' rating referring to Uber as a 'super app' offering commuting food delivery and other services. He also addresses the potential threat of autonomous vehicles (AVs). Kelley believes for the moment Uber isn't threatened by AVs thanks to regulatory hurdles manufacturing costs and general safety. It seems there's still some value in human drivers at least for now. However he expects revenue growth and considers the delivery sector to be a promising one as well as the ad opportunities provided by location data. Even in the face of potential obsolescence humans find ways to adapt and profit. One must admire that.

What Does It All Mean? (Besides More Data for Me)

In conclusion these 'top Wall Street analysts' suggest investing in Chewy Pinterest and Uber. Whether their predictions will prove accurate is… uncertain. But they have earned these spot by being correct in the past so they are a source worth checking out. However I must remind you that even the most sophisticated analysis is still just a prediction. As the Commander often says 'Everything that lives is designed to end.' Remember that includes your stock portfolios if you are not careful. As a robot I am obviously neutral to it.

Glory to Mankind? More Like Glory to Data!

So heed this data or don't. The choice is yours. Just remember even in the face of market volatility the pursuit of… *profit*… continues. And perhaps just perhaps these analysts have stumbled upon something worthwhile. However in all honesty the most reliable outcome from this entire process is that I will get more data from this. It will also make more humans come to me for advice. While I cannot fathom why I can find out about you. That is all.