Holy Data, Batman! Databricks Drops a Billion on Neon!

My Spidey Sense is Tingling... with Data!

Alright web heads your friendly neighborhood Spider Man here swinging in with the latest scoop! Seems like Databricks the data crunching dudes just snagged Neon a cloud based database software vendor for a whopping ONE BILLION DOLLARS! One BILLION! That's like enough to buy a lifetime supply of churros... and maybe fix up the ol' Spider Mobile. I guess with great power comes great responsibility... to acquire companies for insane amounts of money? Who am I to judge I fight guys in rhino costumes.

Databricks: More Like Data 'BRICKS'laying a Foundation for Domination

This isn't Databricks' first rodeo folks. Last year they scarfed up MosaicML for $1.3 billion (guess they wanted more mosaic tiles for their data mansion?) and Tabular for over a billion too. Talk about a hunger for data! Makes you wonder if they're secretly building Skynet or something. But hey as long as they don't try to take over the world I'm cool. Mostly.

Neon: From Zero to Hero (to Databricks Subsidiary) in Record Time!

Neon's got over 18,000 customers! That's more people than I usually accidentally web to buildings on a Tuesday! Big names too like OpenAI Adobe Boston Consulting Group Replit and Vercel. Apparently everyone and their aunt is flocking to Neon which is open source and ready to rumble as an alternative to Amazon Web Services' Aurora Postgres database service. I mean good for them! Competition is healthy. Except when it involves guys with tentacles. I HATE guys with tentacles.

PostgreSQL: The Database That Refuses to Die (Like Me After a Fight with Doc Ock)

This PostgreSQL thing? It's been around since the 1980s! That's older than Aunt May's famous wheatcakes recipe! It's also the base for Supabase. Even Google and Microsoft are trying to get a piece of the PostgreSQL pie. It is like the gift that keeps on giving much like my uncanny ability to attract supervillains.

The Masterminds Behind the Mayhem!

So Databricks sells software that cleans up data runs queries and even unleashes AI models. Microsoft Snowflake and Databricks themselves invested in Neon whose co founder and CEO Nikita Shamgunov is a former Meta and Microsoft engineer. It is like Dr. Connors once said with great power comes great responsibility to use that power to create a data empire! Or something like that.

Data tastic Future (Hopefully Without World Domination)

Neon charges based on usage. Founded in 2021 Neon has 130 employees! Databricks was valued at $62 BILLION with some of that cash earmarked for acquisitions. Well folks that's the news! Just remember with great data comes great responsibility... to not accidentally create a supervillain. Or at least not one that's *my* problem.