Get Over Here! Bezos Dumps Amazon Shares Like a Flawless Victory

Finish Him! Bezos's Impending Stockpocalypse

Hahahahaha! It is I Scorpion! News has reached the Netherrealm that Jeff Bezos Overlord of Amazon plans to sell a mountain of shares! Twenty five million to be precise! *spews fire* A trading plan enacted on March 4th like a secret fighting stance! This news comes just after Amazon's quarterly earnings which apparently even with the profits were not enough to appease the Elder Gods of Wall Street! Perhaps Bezos fears a 'Test Your Might' challenge from… other realms?

Toasty! Earnings and Amazon's Forecast

So Amazon made some coin topping estimates they say. But the future... Ah the future is as murky as the Swamps of Despair! Their operating income forecast… 'Below Wall Street's expectations!' Hah! They should have consulted with Quan Chi; he has a knack for foresight. But seriously they face uncertainty from tariffs that buffoon Donald Trump's tariffs!

Get Over Here Trump!

Speaking of that orange haired fool! It seems Bezos and Trump have had another quarrel a battle of egos. The White House was all up in arms about Amazon potentially showing shoppers the cost of the tariffs! 'No such change is coming,' Amazon declared. Such trickery! Trump is a fool! He will learn the true meaning of pain! And those tariffs.... A plague upon both your houses! Wait wrong franchise…

Flawless Victory? or The Plot Thickens

Remember that time Bezos offloaded $13.5 billion worth of Amazon shares last year? Like tossing souls into the Soulnado! It appears this is his first stock sale since 2021 what is Bezos planning?

Blue Origin and Green Dreams

Since passing the mantle to Andy Jassy Bezos has been busy. 'To the stars!' he cries investing in Blue Origin. Ah space... A place of infinite darkness much like my own heart. He's also funding a $10 billion climate and biodiversity fund. Perhaps even a hellspawn can appreciate a healthy planet. Or is this all a cunning ruse? Hmmm…

The Day One Fund: A Helping Hand or a Scorpion Sting?

And then there's the Day One Fund meant to aid education and combat homelessness. Is it charity? Or a way to soften the blow of his vast wealth? Regardless even a wraith can appreciate good deeds… sometimes. Still one must always be wary of ulterior motives. Now if you'll excuse me I have some souls to collect. GET OVER HERE!