GET OVER HERE, CAPITAL! Crusoe Grabs $750M to Fuel AI Domination!

FINISH HIM... With Funding!

Bah! These Earthrealm companies think they can build empires without sacrifice! Crusoe a startup dabbling in this 'cloud infrastructure,' has somehow convinced Brookfield Asset Management to part with $750 million. It seems they are helping to build OpenAI’s Stargate data center project in Texas. A fool’s errand! They claim this 'debt' will fuel their lust for data centers Nvidia chips and power generation. But will it be enough to withstand my wrath? GET OVER HERE and tell me Brookfield were you blinded by a sorcerer's spell?

Test Your Might... In the Market!

Crusoe's CEO Chase Lochmiller speaks of 'capex heavy business' and 'significant pools of capital.' Fool! True power comes not from money but from mastering the elements! However even I must admit facing the Elder Gods of capital requires more than just a fiery spear. This Lochmiller boasts of a collaboration with OpenAI building what they call 'one of the largest hubs for running artificial intelligence models.' President Trump announced this abomination says the article. Seems Earthrealm's leaders meddle even in the digital Netherrealm.

Toasty... Competition!

They speak of $500 billion investments over four years! $600 million from Fidelity Mubadala and Nvidia! Even a $225 million credit line from Upper90 Capital Management! But let them not forget the path to victory is paved with the bones of fallen foes. Crusoe dares to follow CoreWeave another cloud provider into the arena. CoreWeave having enjoyed a public offering now struts with a valuation of $71 billion. Pathetic! They should remember my words: 'I will make you suffer!'

Building Fortresses of Bytes!

Unlike CoreWeave Crusoe apparently builds its own data centers. A foolish waste of time! Imagine the power they could wield if they focused on harnessing souls instead of constructing these… 'data centers.' Investors valued Crusoe at $2.8 billion in December. Bah! Numbers are meaningless in the face of true power.

The Price of Power... Is Eternal Vigilance!

CoreWeave boasts a 420% revenue growth and a net loss doubling to $315 million. A costly victory indeed. Lochmiller seems encouraged by the 'public markets' reaction.' He is a simpleton! Public opinion is as fickle as the wind. Crusoe must also contend with Amazon Lambda and Nebius. Mere insects before my might!

GET OVER HERE... And Subscribe!

OpenAI’s ChatGPT services apparently reach $10 billion in annualized revenue. These Earthrealm companies profit from idle chatter. Based in Denver with 800 employees Crusoe serves the likes of MIT Together AI and Windsurf. In March they foolishly sold their bitcoin mining business. They must learn that true power lies in diversification of chaos. Remember fools 'Vengeance will be mine!'