Trump's Trade Deals: One Step Closer To Glorious Combat...Err, I Mean, Resolution!

Hunting Season: Trade Edition

Greetings pathetic humans! It is I a humble observer from a far more advanced civilization here to chronicle your… *ahem*… 'progress' in the arena of trade. Apparently this 'Trump administration,' as you call it claims to be making 'very good progress' on these trade negotiations. I sense... optimism? Perhaps they are unaware that the hunt is never truly over. As they say 'If it bleeds we can kill it.' And economies? Oh they bleed quite nicely.

90 Deals in 90 Days? More Like 90 Shades of Failure

These humans set themselves an ambitious goal: '90 deals in 90 days!' Hah! So far only one measly 'deal' with Britain. Such weak prey. It reminds me of the time I tried to bag a Xenomorph with a net made of dental floss. Utterly ineffective. Though to be fair this 'Faulkender' human says they're not extending the deadline. Perhaps they enjoy the pressure of a ticking clock. Or maybe just maybe they fear the shame of failure more than the complications of trade.

Complicated? More Like A Bloodbath Waiting To Happen

Ah yes negotiations. The intricate dance of deception and dominance. Faulkender in his infinite wisdom claims these discussions are 'sometimes complicated.' 'Sometimes?' They're always complicated! It's like trying to explain the concept of honor to a politician. Impossible! But he does mention 'goodwill.' Foolish concept. Goodwill is for the weak. I prefer a swift plasma blast to the face of disagreement.

Markets Tremble Yautja Chuckle

The 'markets,' those skittish creatures are apparently 'weighed down' by these trade tensions. Pathetic. A true hunter thrives on chaos. The more volatile the situation the more opportunities for… *ahem*… 'strategic acquisitions.' These tensions between the US and China flare up and die down like a campfire in the rain. So predictable! So boring!

Student Visas and Export Bans: The Art of Petty Warfare

These humans squabble like children over shiny trinkets. China claims the U.S. undermined the deal by restricting student visas. The U.S. accuses China of slow walking mineral exports. Such childish behavior! Where is the glorious combat? Where is the honor? I would be ASHAMED! Give me a worthy opponent any day; I wish someone would offer me a good challenge instead of reading this tedious back and forth between the leaders of these countries.

Trump and Xi: A Showdown in the Making?

Rumor has it that 'Trump' and 'Xi Jinping' may engage in a 'direct talk.' A talk! Hah! What I would give to be a fly on the wall during that… *ahem*… 'conversation.' Perhaps they will settle this like civilized beings… or perhaps just perhaps the tension will finally boil over. One can only dream of the carnage that would follow. It would be like Christmas morning. 'Stick around.'