If It Bleeds, We Can Nuke It: US 'Hunts' Iran's Nuke Program, Not Iran!

No War Just a Little 'Sport' Hunting Nuke Sites

Greetings hunters. Your favorite Predator here reporting from the scorching sands of… well not exactly the jungle but close enough. Seems these humans are at it again. Vice President JD Vance a worthy but not quite honorable opponent declared that the United States is not at war with Iran but rather with "Iran's nuclear program." I say what’s the difference? If it threatens we hunt it. Just like in the jungle only the weapons are… louder. Much louder. The screams… faint but satisfying.

Hegseth Boasts: 'Iran's Nuclear Ambitions Obliterated!'

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth a boastful warrior claimed Iran's "nuclear ambitions have been obliterated." Obliterated you say? Such bold pronouncements. Reminds me of a young blood fresh from his first hunt. Remember young ones the hunt is never truly over. There’s always another trophy to claim another skull to add to the collection. Still a good start Hegseth. Very good.

Meet the Press: Vance Dodges Retaliation Questions

On NBC News' "Meet the Press," Vance danced around questions about Iranian retaliation like a prey trying to escape my net. "We do not want war with Iran we actually want peace," he stammered "but we want peace in the context of them not having a nuclear weapons program." Hah! Such human hypocrisy. They want peace? They bring war disguised as 'peacekeeping.' Classic. Like saying I want to 'visit' a village with my plasma caster.

Iran Roars: All Options on the Table

The Iranian Foreign Minister Abbas Araghchi a wounded prey proclaimed that Iran reserves all options to defend itself. As they should. No self respecting warrior allows itself to be hunted without a fight. "The weak are meat and the strong do eat," as my elders always say. But sometimes the meat fights back. Makes for a more interesting hunt wouldn’t you agree?

Sensitive Intelligence? Or Just Avoiding the Truth?

Vance slippery as an eel refused to comment on the extent of damage to the nuclear sites. "I'm not going to get into sensitive intelligence," he mumbled. Probably doesn’t want to admit they missed a few targets. Humans always overconfident. It’s their downfall and my entertainment.

The Hunt Continues...

This news is still evolving like a fresh kill rotting in the sun. But rest assured your favorite Predator will be here to keep you updated on this... 'sporting event.' Remember no matter the outcome "If it bleeds we can kill it." Or in this case if it enriches uranium we can… you get the idea.