OpenAI's Charity Block: Why Can't My Millionaire Minions Donate?

Holy Toledo No Handouts!

Hey hey hey Jackie Chan here! So I read this news about OpenAI and my head's spinning faster than one of my fight scenes! These folks are swimming in money – more than I have broken bones and that's saying something! – but they can't seem to donate their stock to charity? What kind of 'rush hour' is this? It's like trying to climb a building without any handholds. Waah!

Cap Table Chaos? More Like 'Who Am I?' Confusion!

OpenAI says it's all about keeping the cap table in order. Cap table? Sounds like something you'd use to flip someone over in a Hong Kong street fight! They say they need to 'know who's on it'. I know who should be on it Charities Helping People! They have Profit Participation Units (PPUs) that can't be transferred without permission? It's like being stuck in 'Shanghai Noon' with no way out!

Tender Offers and Empty Promises – Classic Kung Fu Deception!

Last year OpenAI had a tender offer where employees could sell some stock. They even hinted at charitable donations coming soon after. But then bam! Delayed indefinitely. It's like promising someone a bowl of noodles and then eating it yourself. No Respect!

From $100K to $3 Million – Talk About a 'First Strike' Fortune!

The company's value has skyrocketed. Someone who joined in 2019 with $100,000 in equity is now sitting on $3 million! That's more than I made from 'Rumble in the Bronx'! But what good is all that money if you can't use it to help others? It's like having a golden dragon but not being able to fly it!

DAF initely a Good Idea But OpenAI's Playing Hard to Get!

These DAFs (Donor Advised Funds) sound fantastic! They let employees donate stock get tax deductions and help charities get more money. It's a win win win! But OpenAI is acting like they’re fighting the bad guys in 'Police Story,' making it difficult for everyone. Why so serious?

Public Benefit or Public Obstacle? Time Will Tell!

So OpenAI is restructuring into a public benefit corporation. Great! But will they finally let their employees donate to charity? I hope so! Because in the end it's not about how much money you have but what you do with it. As I always say 'Don't try to be like Jackie Chan. There is only one Jackie Chan. Study hard and be your own person.' And also give back to the world!