Is Trump's Trade War Cooking Up a Recession Nightmare?! Goldman Sachs Sounds the Alarm!

A Self Inflicted Wound You Donkey!

Right let's get one thing straight. I've seen some disastrous dishes in my time but this trade war? It's like someone decided to make a soufflé out of cement! Goldman Sachs is saying that Trump's tariffs have kicked off an 'event driven' bear market. And what does that mean eh? It means someone's been playing with fire and now the whole damn kitchen is going up in flames! They’re basically saying this whole mess is self inflicted especially when things were actually looking quite promising at the start of the year. Seriously 15% chance of a recession? Now it’s nearly bloody 50%! What a load of bollocks!

Bear Market 101: Are You an Idiot Sandwich?

So what's a bear market? It's when the stock prices drop 20% or more. Simple yeah? But Goldman Sachs is trying to explain that there are different kinds! Structural ones cyclical ones and these 'event driven' ones. The structural ones are like a bloody kitchen fire—caused by a financial crisis or something else massive. Cyclical ones are from the economy going down the drain. And event driven ones? That's when some prat drops a bomb or in this case slaps on a load of ridiculous tariffs! It's all gone to pot!

This Tariff Disaster is Raw!

This is not some game we are playing at home this is the economy! Goldman Sachs is warning that this could turn into something really nasty if it becomes a cyclical bear market. And you can be damn sure that I will not be accepting anything less than economic excellence!

A Recipe for Disaster: How Low Can It Go?

So what does this all mean for your bloody money? Well according to Goldman the S&P 500 could drop to 4301. That's another 15% lower than where it is now! And how long could this shambles go on? Event driven bear markets might be relatively short but cyclical ones could drag on for years. Structural? Forget about it that's a decade of pain. Are you happy with that you numpty?!

Wake Up! It's All Gone Wrong!

Goldman is warning that even in the best case scenario of a milder downturn you can still expect further downside. What a bloody nightmare! This whole situation is a complete and utter disaster! It is all gone wrong! The economy is tanking everyone is losing their shirt and I'm getting worried I'm going to have to close down a few of my locations!

Tickets to a Sideshow? More Like a Bloody Circus!

And to top it all off they’re trying to flog tickets to some bloody 'CNBC Pro LIVE' event. Get your 'edge' in uncertain markets? It is all bollocks! It's a load of old tosh! I'd rather eat a plate of donkey droppings than waste my time with that nonsense. What we need is a proper plan not a bloody networking event! You're all just going to be paying to listen to 'experts' who are just as clueless as the rest of us and getting to sip cocktails. You can all get stuffed!