Southwest Airlines Going Down Faster Than I Do On a First Date! Giggety!

Giggity! Southwest's Flight Plan Gets a Little...Turbulent

Well alright! Your favorite airline Southwest is hitting a little turbulence folks. Seems like they're cutting back on flights because and I quote "the economy's a mess." Makes a guy wonder if I should start investing in something a little more stable like…oh I don’t know…maybe a fleet of Quagmire mobiles? Giggity!

Reaching New Heights... or Are We Crashing?

Apparently Southwest's expecting their revenue to be flatter than a pancake after I've rolled over it – we're talking potentially down 4%! And they’re playing coy about their future earnings. Honestly sounds like a date where you get the bill and suddenly remember you left your wallet at home. Giggity giggity goo!

Delta and United Joining the Mile High... Oops Low Club!

It's not just Southwest either! Seems like Delta and United are also shrinking their domestic flights. Delta even yanked their full year forecast! United went full drama queen calling the US economy “impossible” to predict! These airlines are about to be grounded for life at this rate.

Silver Linings? Southwest's First Quarter Was...Okay I Guess

Alright alright some good news. They beat expectations in the first quarter! They lost only 13 cents a share when everyone thought they’d lose 18! And they made a whopping $6.43 billion! That’s enough to buy a LOT of…airline peanuts? Eh I'll stick to chasing tail. Giggity!

Southwest's Got a New Bag... Fees That Is!

Hold onto your hats folks Southwest is changing their game. They're selling tickets on Expedia (giggity! more places for guys like me to find…deals!) planning assigned seating and get this charging for checked luggage! I bet ya they are adding that charge just so they can pay for all the extra fuel needed to get my gigantic luggage everywhere. Talk about a buzzkill. What's next charging extra for smiles? I mean come on! It's like when you thought you were getting lucky and she asks for your credit card. She's got a dark side folks just like this airline.

Activist Investors and Fancy Seats? Giggity?

They are trying to compete with airlines that have premium seats lounges and international networks. CEO Bob Jordan claims they’re seeing “positive results.” But let's be real if Southwest wants to attract high rollers they should start by installing a 'Giggity Zone' on every flight. Maybe with a little champagne and a few strategically placed…magazines. That would be first class baby! That would be so awesomeee!