Giggity! Is America About to Seal the Deal With India?

Hot Off the Press: Trade Winds Blowin' East!

Well hello there! Glen Quagmire here your favorite pilot and purveyor of all things…stimulating. I've got my joystick in hand ready to fly you through the latest buzz: Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent (never heard of him is he single?) hinted that the U.S. might be about to finalize a trade deal with India. Giggity! Apparently negotiations are “moving well.” Sounds like someone’s getting lucky and I'm not just talking about me on a Tuesday night.

A Hundred Days of...Deals?

During some fancy schmancy White House press briefing about President Trump's 100th day (I bet that's how long it takes Lois to get ready in the morning!) Bessent dropped this bombshell. Seems like talks with Japan and South Korea are also heating up. Maybe we can trade them some clam chowder for... well you know. (Winks aggressively.)

Vance to Meet You India!

Word on the street (or should I say in the cockpit?) is that Vice President JD Vance (still never heard of him!) had a pow wow with India’s Prime Minister Narendra Modi. They “made some very good progress,” according to Bessent. Maybe they swapped some dirty jokes or discussed the finer points of… international relations. (Raises eyebrows repeatedly.) Giggity giggity goo!

Tariffs? More Like TERRIFIC!

Bessent bless his heart seems to think India's easy to negotiate with because of their “posted and ready tariffs.” I'm not sure what that means but it sounds like they know what they want. Much like me and… well you know. I am a sexual person. The way women are sexual that is how I am.

Eighteen Trading Relationships? Challenge Accepted!

Apparently the White House has been hustling since Trump's tariff announcement (sounds like a new dance craze!). Bessent mentioned 18 “important trading relationships.” Sounds like a lot of potential… partnerships. (Leers suggestively.) Only 17 will be spoken to though because China is "out of the question." Damn.

No China? More Opportunity for Giggity!

Seventeen partners “in motion.” Sounds like a busy schedule! Just like mine after a few martinis. So buckle up folks! It looks like America might be gettin' a little somethin' somethin' from India. And you know what that means: more money more power and more opportunities for… Giggity!