Dell's Gump-Like Generosity: A Thousand Dollars for Every New Kid, That's All I Have To Say About That

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates Full of Tax Cuts!

Mama always said life is like a box of chocolates you never know what you're gonna get. Well this time it seems like we're gettin' a whole lotta tax cuts! Mr. Michael Dell the big cheese at Dell Technologies he promised to give a thousand dollars for what they call 'Trump accounts' for the new little ones born to his employees. Said he'd match what the government's givin'. Now that's what I call somethin' sweet like a Dr. Pepper on a hot Alabama day.

Run Forrest Run... to the Bank!

They're callin' it a 'savings program' for newborns and it's all part of this big bill that's goin' through Congress. Seems like Mr. Trump wants to give every kid born in America a little nest egg. Now I may not be a smart man but I know what money is. And a thousand dollars is a good start! Maybe these kids can run all the way to the bank with it someday!

Stupid is as Stupid Does... Unless It's About Investing!

Now Mr. Uber and Mr. Goldman Sachs were there too but they didn't quite make the same promise as Mr. Dell. One White House fella even said they were gonna announce billions of dollars. Maybe they were playin' hide and seek with the money I dunno. Mr. Goldman Sachs said they were 'excited,' but didn't say how much they'd give. Sometimes I feel like I'm talkin' Chinese.

MAGA Accounts? Shrimpin' Ain't the Only Way to Make a Buck!

This whole thing is called 'Money Accounts for Growth and Advancement' – or MAGA Accounts. Sounds kinda like my shrimpin' business Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.! They're gonna put a thousand dollars in an account for every kid born between 2025 and 2028. And then when they turn 18 they can use it. I wish I had somethin' like that when I was younger. Maybe I wouldn't have had to run so much!

Jenny and Me Are Like the Stock Market Sometimes Up Sometimes Down

Some folks are sayin' these Trump accounts might not be the best way to invest. Like Jenny and me sometimes things are up sometimes they're down. But Mama always said 'You gotta put the past behind you before you can move on.' Maybe these kids will learn a thing or two about money and maybe they won't. But at least they got a head start like me on the football field.

And That's All I Have to Say About That!

So there you have it. Dell's givin' money to babies the government's givin' money to babies and everyone's hopin' for a brighter future. Me? I'm just gonna keep runnin' keep shrimpin' and keep rememberin' what Mama always said. And that's all I have to say about that!