Trump Just Did WHAT to Global Trade!?

Reciprocal? More Like Ridiculous!

Alright folks gather 'round. So these new tariffs right? Trump slaps 'em on faster than I can launch a Tesla into space! Apparently 86 countries are now paying the price for… well something. I'm not entirely sure what but it sounds like a 'very stable genius' is at work. Base rate of 10%? That's amateur hour. We're talking tariffs ranging up to 84%! It's like a game of 'How High Can We Go?' and spoiler alert nobody wins.

China Gets Mooned (Trade Wise)

China oh China. Seems they're bearing the brunt of this trade… 'negotiation.' 104% tariffs! I mean come on! That's like sending a Cybertruck to the moon but charging double for the ride. It's a bold strategy Cotton let's see if it pays off for 'em. Remember what I always say: 'When something is important enough you do it even if the odds are not in your favor.' But…are the odds *ever* in anyone's favor with these tariffs?

Lesotho? Never Heard of Her!

Then there's Lesotho sitting pretty with a 50% duty. Poor Lesotho! I had to Google it. No offense Lesotho maybe you should start building electric cars. Or a space program. Either one gets you a seat at my table. Cambodia Laos Vietnam… they're all getting tariffed. It's like a geography lesson in economic pain.

Market Meltdown? Meh.

The stock market is freaking out. Four days of losses? That's like a Tuesday for me! But Trump’s all "America is going to be very rich again very soon." Sounds legit. Maybe he’s discovered a new source of vibranium. Or perhaps he's just really good at selling things. Either way I’m sure he will be proven right at some point eventually... maybe.

Asian Markets Enter Bear Territory: Roar?

Asia's not thrilled either. South Korea’s Kospi entering a bear market? Well bears *are* kinda cute and they love honey so maybe we can all just chill out and share some honey. Metaphorically speaking of course. Nobody wants a literal bear in the stock market. Though I bet it'd be more interesting than the current situation. Just saying.

So What's the Plan Stan?

Look I'm not saying I have all the answers. I'm just a guy who likes to build rockets buy social media platforms for way too much money and occasionally tweet controversial things. But I do know that trade wars are rarely won by anyone. Maybe we should all just get along build some cool stuff and colonize Mars together. That's a win win right?