Tariff Tango and Oil Tycoons: Your Weekly Dose of Reality Bending

Deadline? What Deadline?

So CNBC's scratching their heads about this July 9th deadline for US EU trade talks. Classic. It's like trying to predict when I'll launch my next rocket – exciting but ultimately a guessing game. Trump's deadlines? They're more like 'guidelines' if you catch my drift. But hey you snooze you lose. Underplay it and you might miss the next big thing. It's all about calculated risk folks. Like launching a Roadster into space. Seemed crazy worked out pretty well right? Right.

EU's Bare Bones Deal: A Trade Truce or Trade Trauma?

Ursula von der Leyen says a full trade deal is "impossible" before the deadline. Sounds about right. Politics is like trying to herd cats on Mars. The EU's hoping for an "agreement in principle." Which basically means they're hoping for a participation trophy. Meanwhile they're sweating over a potential 50% levy. Ouch. Maybe they should consider selling flamethrowers. Always a hot commodity. Wink wink.

OPEC's Oil Circus: Where the Real Drama Happens

Ah OPEC. The oil producers' International Seminar. Back in Vienna. It’s a far cry from the media scrum at the concrete headquarters in the Austrian capital. It's like the difference between a Cybertruck and a horse drawn carriage. I remember covering OPEC with CNBC Anchor Steve Sedgwick. Those manic biannual meetings! Journalists fighting for soundbites. Good times. Or maybe not. Depends on how you feel about oil I guess. Me? I prefer batteries.

OPEC Plus: To Hike or Not to Hike? That is the Question

OPEC+ is meeting this weekend to decide on another output hike. Volatile month for crude prices naturally. It's all a delicate dance like trying to balance a rocket on a unicycle. One wrong move and BOOM. Speaking of booms maybe they should consider investing in space travel. Plenty of untapped resources up there. Just saying.

CEO Face Off: Mergers Mayhem and Maybe a Musk Cameo?

The CEOs of BP and Shell will be there too. Murray Auchincloss and Wael Sawan will be the center of attention as market watchers and journalists alike look for any clues that a much denied takeover could still be in the cards. So everyone is hoping for a merger? Maybe I should swoop in and buy them both. Turn them into Tesla Energy 2.0. Just kidding... mostly. But seriously anything is possible.

Reality Check: It's All a Simulation Anyway

Look whether it's trade wars oil prices or potential mega mergers it's all part of the simulation. Just try to enjoy the ride don't take it too seriously and remember to question everything. And maybe buy some Dogecoin. You know for fun. As I always say: 'I think it is possible for ordinary people to choose to be extraordinary.' So go out there and be extraordinary. Or at least mildly interesting. That's all for now. Time to go build a rocket.