Coinbase to the Moon! S&P 500 Inclusion Sends Shares Soaring! To Infinity and Beyond!

WTF Just Happened?! Coinbase Joins the Cool Kids Club!

Okay buckle up because this is huge! As some of you may know I'm trying to save civilization and part of that involves making sure the future includes well *future* stuff. And what's more future than crypto? So Coinbase a company that's been riding the crypto wave like a Falcon Heavy booster just got added to the S&P 500. I guess you could say that Dogecoin can finally go to the moon! This is like going plaid. A big deal!

Bye Bye Discover Hello Crypto!

Apparently Coinbase is replacing Discover Financial Services which is getting gobbled up by Capital One. In other words old money is making way for the new money. The kind of money that can buy you a flamethrower or maybe a Cybertruck (when we finally get them all delivered... *sigh*). This whole thing takes effect before trading next week which if you ask me is just enough time to panic buy some more COIN stock. Do as I say not as I do. Sometimes!

Trump Bump… Again?!

Remember when Trump got elected? Ah yes the good old days. Well after his return Coinbase shares rocketed AGAIN! This isn't a drill! Because everyone figured he'd be more crypto friendly than Sleepy Joe. Turns out supporting pro crypto candidates pays off who knew? I'm not saying I influenced anything but... well you know. Maybe. Definitely.

Crypto's Wild Ride... Faster Than a Tesla Launch!

Coinbase has been on a rollercoaster as volatile as my tweets after a few drinks (don't judge). But hey even with the dips it's now up for the year! That's what I call Diamond Hands! I mean we've seen Bitcoin hit $100,000 and institutions are finally getting their act together with ETFs. It's like watching a meme become reality. Glorious!

Profits Revenue and... Dubai?!

To get into the S&P 500 you gotta show some profits and Coinbase delivered because let's face it they were already making money. And they're buying Deribit which is a massive crypto derivatives exchange in Dubai. Because why not? Let's conquer the world one crypto exchange at a time. It's like the Spice Girls said: 'Spice up your life!' Except you know with crypto!

The Future is Now (and Crypto)

So to sum it all up: Coinbase is in the S&P 500 crypto is surging and I'm still trying to get us to Mars. It's all connected people! The future is decentralized electric and definitely a little bit crazy. Now if you'll excuse me I have a rocket to launch and a few memes to tweet. Stay tuned Earthlings! And remember 'I could either watch it happen or be a part of it.' – Me.