Apple's Euro Trip Turns Sour: DMA Shenanigans and a Side of Malicious Compliance!

Paying the Piper (or the EU)

Well well well looks like Tim Apple is feeling the heat in Europe! The EU's Digital Markets Act (DMA) has them doing the cha cha trying to avoid a 500 million euro fine. Seems like someone's finally realizing that they can't just print money by charging excessive App Store fees. As I always say 'When something is important enough you do it even if the odds are not in your favor.' And apparently avoiding a massive fine is pretty darn important.

Fee Fi Fo Fum I Smell a Commission

They're introducing a new 'core technology commission' – 5% on digital purchases outside the App Store. Five percent! What is this amateur hour? At Tesla we aim for ludicrous speed not ludicrous fees! I swear it's like watching a toddler try to understand rocket science. But hey at least they're trying...sort of.

Not Quite a Revolution

Let's be clear: this isn't exactly a full blown revolution. Apple's still clinging to its commission based model like a squirrel to a nut. They claim they were 'forced' into these changes. As if I don't know a thing or two about battling regulators! It’s like saying you were forced to land a rocket vertically – yeah it’s hard but that’s the whole point!

Spotify vs. Goliath: The Remix

Ah Spotify always ready with the witty retorts. They say Apple's changes violate the spirit of the rules. Sounds like someone is ready to 'Occupy Mars'. And who can forget Tim Sweeney of Epic Games? 'Malicious compliance,' he calls it! Someone’s got jokes. I love it! It seems Tim Apple may have been a bit too clever in his compliance.

Steering Clear of Trouble (or Not)

Remember when Apple was forbidden from 'steering' users to the App Store for cheaper options? Good times. Of course the saga continues in the US where a court smacked down their steering restrictions. It's like watching a chess game where one player keeps knocking over the pieces when they're losing. Not very sporting is it?

To Fine or Not to Fine That Is the Question

The European Commission is still deciding if Apple's changes are good enough to avoid the fine. They're seeking feedback from market operators. Smart move. Always get a second opinion especially when you're dealing with let's just say 'complex' situations. Maybe they should ask Doge he's pretty good at sniffing out BS. In the meantime I'll be over here plotting my next adventure to save humanity (or at least make it multi planetary)!