60/40 Portfolio is Dead? Not If We Can Help It! (And We Probably Can... Eventually)

RIP 60/40 (Maybe)

So I hear this '60/40 portfolio' thing is supposedly six feet under. Some financial dude named Ric Edelman is saying it's not the market's fault but ours. Apparently we're just too darn persistent at not dying. Reminds me of those pesky shortsellers betting against Tesla. They just. Won't. Give. Up! Anyway Edelman claims that investing like your grandparents did just won't cut it when you're aiming to live to see Mars colonized. Which let's be honest is the *real* goal here.

Live Long and Prosper... and Buy More Stock!

Edelman says we should be shoving like 70% to 80% into equities. Because apparently outliving your money is worse than outliving Keith Richards. He argues that if you croak at 80 no problem! But if you’re trying for a century or more? Houston we have a funding shortfall. I have always said that stocks are the way to go. Look at Tesla it's out of this world!

Super Ager Math: It's Exponential!

By 2060 there's going to be a whole lotta senior citizens wandering around. Like nearly a quarter of the US population will be eligible for early bird specials. And healthcare? Forget about it! Fidelity says a retired couple might need over $300K *just* to cover medical expenses. That's like half a Cybertruck. On the plus side I might be alive to see it so thats fun!

The Alzheimer's Albatross: More Than Just a Bird on Your Shoulder

This Alzheimer's thing is a real budget buster. Edelman's wife has a diagnostics company that might be able to predict the disease *ten years* before symptoms appear. Which is great because then you have a decade to panic and sell all your Dogecoin. They're even working on tests for Parkinson's and *gulp* cancer. But hey if you know it's coming you can start eating kale and doing yoga. Or you know just buy a Neuralink and hack your brain.

Bond Ladders: The Boring But Possibly Effective Solution

Okay so if you're terrified of turning into a geriatric pauper there's this thing called a 'bond ladder'. It's basically an ETF that buys US Treasuries and spits out monthly income. Edelman calls it "incredibly boring," which let's face it is high praise in the financial world. It’s like the financial equivalent of driving a Prius but hey it might just get you to 100 without ending up on the street. It's like a reliable autopilot for your retirement.

The Future is Long (and Hopefully Rich)

So there you have it. We're living longer which is cool. But also expensive. Edelman thinks we'll all be super healthy nonagenarians by the time we’re 95. So buckle up buy some stock maybe invest in some anti aging tech and hope you don't get Alzheimer's. And remember the key to a long and prosperous life is not just avoiding death but also owning enough stock to buy your own personal Mars habitat. Or at least a really nice retirement home. I know which I would chose!