Market Meltdown! Is the S&P 500 About to Go Xenomorph on Your Portfolio?!

Another Day Another Doomsday?

Alright people listen up. This is Ripley last survivor of the Nostromo and apparently now a market analyst. Who knew? Seems the S&P 500 is teetering on the edge of a bear market just like the Nasdaq already went full Xenomorph on everyone. It's all thanks to these delightful tariff squabbles. You know 'Look at my signal!' says the market. More like 'Look at MY signal' says China probably. The Nasdaq that tech heavy beast has already dropped over 22% from its peak. Reminds me of the Nostromo after a close encounter with a certain acid blooded creature. Not pretty.

5200: The Last Stand

Apparently this 5,200 level is the magic number. If the S&P 500 can't hold it we're looking at a real problem. Like trying to outrun a Xenomorph in a cramped corridor. One JC O'Hara guy from Roth MKM is saying if traders don't 'show up' – and I'm assuming that means buying up stocks like their lives depend on it – we're in for a 'very rough week.' He's not 'forecasting' a dramatic fall but he’s saying it’s a HUGE risk. That’s what Burke said about the Alien egg cargo. We all know how that turned out.

4850: Prepare for Impact!

If we breach 5,200 O'Hara thinks we could test 4,850. That’s bear market territory folks. We're talking about a 21% drop from the February record. Two back to back sessions of 4% declines which O'Hara notes is rare has everyone running for the escape pods and buying up all the pulse rifles. It happened in March 2020 during the whole coronavirus hullabaloo and back in 2008 during the financial crisis. Nothing says “good times” like a market collapse.

Capitulation: The Final Scream?

O'Hara says we're at a 'sentiment low,' whatever that means. We just need to find the 'price low,' which is 'capitulation.' He's not sure we've seen it yet. This Oppenheimer fellow Ari Wald seems to think we’re close to capitulation. Something about the CBOE Volatility Index (VIX) topping 40. Apparently that means everyone's terrified. Welcome to my world pal. Welcome to my world.

2025: A Long Dark Year?

Wald thinks this could be a bear market for the long haul maybe even into 2025! He’s saying even if we see some gains they'll be capped all the way up to the S&P 500's 200 day moving average. Whatever that is. Apparently we're 'not out of the woods just yet.' No kidding. I haven't been out of the woods since LV 426.

Week Ahead: Hold on to Your Butts!

Next week's got a whole calendar full of economic events. Consumer Credit Small Business Index FOMC Minutes (sounds terrifying like some kind of government experiment gone wrong) Consumer Price Index Producer Price Index and some guy from the New York Federal Reserve talking about the 'Economic Outlook.' Sounds about as comforting as a facehugger on a Monday morning. And if you're feeling brave you can catch CNBC Pro LIVE at the New York Stock Exchange. Me? I'll be over here sharpening my pulse rifle just in case.