Another Economic Apocalypse! Billionaire Sounds Alarm on Trump's Tariffs... Are We All Doomed?!

Wake Up People! Another Day Another Threat!

Alright people Ripley here. You know I've faced down Xenomorphs corporate greed and now...tariffs? Seems like no matter where you go something's waiting to bite you in the ass. This time it's these tariffs Trump wants to slap on everything. Billionaire investor Stanley Druckenmiller—and you know I trust billionaires about as far as I can throw a power loader—is saying he doesn't like tariffs over 10%. He actually posted about it on X whatever that is. 'I do not support tariffs exceeding 10%,' he typed. Well isn't that special?

Tariffs: A Consumption Tax? Or Just Another Way to Screw Us?

Druckenmiller calls tariffs 'simply a consumption tax that foreigners pay for some of it.' Oh really? Sounds a bit too Weyland Yutani ish for my taste. They always have a way of spinning things to make it sound like it's not you who's getting shafted. And now Trump's buddies are on the airwaves trying to downplay the damage. You know what that means people? Damage is incoming. Remember my rule: Assume everyone is lying.

The Stock Market's Screaming... Can You Hear It?

The stock prices have taken a nosedive. The market's 'experiencing losses not seen since the Covid 19 pandemic.' Well that's just great! Another disaster looming and who's gonna clean it up? Probably not the suits in Washington. Probably me. Or you. Get ready to kiss your investments goodbye because in space no one can hear your portfolio crash.

Hassett's Hopium: Is It Enough to Keep Us Alive?

Some White House guy Kevin Hassett says these tariffs won't have a 'big effect on the consumer in the U.S.' Right. And Ash said the Xenomorph was harmless! Wake me up when we're all floating in space frozen in carbonite. That'll be the 'small effect' he's talking about.

HANG TOUGH! Or Just Hang It Up?

Trump's on Truth Social—another one of those internet black holes—telling everyone to 'HANG TOUGH.' Easier said than done when your planet's about to explode Donald! This is exactly the kind of 'leadership' that gets you face to face with a Xenomorph queen. And trust me that's a meeting you don't walk away from. Maybe it's time to consider jettisoning the whole damn planet just to be sure.

Nobody Wins: Politics as Usual

Druckenmiller backed Nikki Haley but now says he won't vote for Trump or Harris. Great. So we're stuck with the same old choices. It's like being trapped on the Nostromo with a chestburster. No good options and the clock's ticking. Remember my words: 'I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.' Maybe that applies to the whole freakin' economy.