Another Bug Hunt? Israel and Iran Trade Blows; Oil Prices Explode!

Not Again... Waking Up to This Mess

Alright people Ripley here. Seems like I barely get out of hypersleep and the world's gone to hell in a handbasket again. This time it's Israel and Iran throwing punches like two drunks outside a bar. Heard Israel launched some airstrikes on what they claim are Iran's nuclear toys. Makes me wonder if they've got facehuggers stockpiled in there too. Probably not but after what I've seen nothing surprises me anymore.

The Brass Hats Are At It

According to some news dribble one of Iran's top brass a guy named Hossein Salami (sounds like a deli order doesn't it?) got taken out. Israel's Defense Minister is flapping his gums about missile attacks and drones. Great. Just what we need: more things falling from the sky trying to kill us. Reminds me of Hadley's Hope...only this time I don't have Hicks to watch my back. 'Stay frosty,' my ass. More like 'stay paranoid.'

Netanyahu Channels His Inner Apone

Netanyahu the Israeli Prime Minister is doing his best Apone impression promising to 'remove the threat' for 'as many days as it takes'. Right. Sounds like somebody's been watching too many action flicks. Meanwhile Iran is crying foul and reporting fatalities. This whole thing is messier than the Nostromo's ventilation system after a Xenomorph infestation. “I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.” I wish...

Targeting the Brains and Bang Sticks

Word is Israel is hunting down high ranking military types and nuclear scientists. Talk about precision strikes! Makes me wonder if they've got some kind of smart gun that can target alien DNA. Probably not but a girl can dream. Anyway they're hitting places like Natanz and Khoramabad. Sounds like a vacation gone wrong. And just in case you were thinking of investing oil prices are going nuts and stocks are tanking faster than a Weyland Yutani ship.

Uncle Sam Plays It Cool...For Now

Of course America's in the mix but playing it cool. Trump got a briefing apparently but Secretary of State Marco Rubio is saying they're not involved and just want to protect the troops. Yeah right. Like I haven't heard that one before. "We got no choice man. We're going in." That's what they always say isn't it? But I digress...

Trump Does His Best Cassandra Impression

Trump's pulling some personnel out of the Middle East saying it's 'dangerous'. He's also griping about Iran 'delaying' talks. So basically he's acting like he saw this coming. Meanwhile Iran is accusing the U.S. of not being serious. Who knows what's true anymore? All I know is this whole situation smells worse than a Xenomorph nest.