Eat My Shorts! McDonald's Hiring Spree: A Trump-Sized McScandal?

Ay Caramba! A Whopping 375,000 New McSlaves?

Alright dudes and dudettes listen up! McDonald's that place where dreams go to die (or at least get deep fried) is hiring a mega ton of people this summer. Like 375,000! I bet even Milhouse could get a job there. Probably serving up McRibs... Blech! Ugh that reminds me gotta prank call Moe's later.

Trump's Golden Arches: A Match Made in Greasy Heaven?

Word on the street is that Mickey D's is trying to stay on Trump's good side. You know the guy who probably eats Filet O Fish for breakfast lunch and dinner! They're worried about those health freaks like Robert F. Kennedy Jr. trying to make America healthy. As if! Who needs kale when you've got a Big Mac? Although maybe a Krusty Burger would be even better...

$1 Million? I Could Buy a Lot of Skateboards With That!

Can you believe it? McDonald's threw a million bucks at Trump's inauguration! A MILLION! I could buy so many skateboards with that cash! Or maybe a lifetime supply of Squishees. Seriously though it looks like they're trying to avoid getting pinched by the government. Smart move I guess. Don't have a cow man!

Archways to... Education? More Like Archways to Opportunity Cost!

They're bragging about this 'Archways to Opportunity' thing where they help employees get their GEDs. Like whoop dee doo! I bet those employees wish they had that money instead. They probably just want to escape the McJob like Marge always wanted to get away from the Nuclear Plant. I gotta tell ya I feel their pain.

900 New McTemples of Deep Fried Delight?

Hold on to your hats folks! McDonald's is planning to open 900 new restaurants! That's like a burger invasion! Pretty soon we'll all be living in a McWorld. I wonder if they'll have a Krusty Burger franchise? Now that's a thought!

Kamala Harris: From Frying Burgers to... Vice President?

Even Kamala Harris used to flip burgers there! Trump even tried to diss her about it! McDonald's tried to stay out of it but come on it's hilarious! From fries to the White House? Talk about a glow up! Eat my shorts politics!