Eat My Shorts, Economy! Moody's Downgrades USA, and I Blame Trump's 'Big, Beautiful' Bill!

Ay Caramba! The Debt's Piling Higher Than Milhouse's Homework!

Alright dudes and dudettes Bart Simpson here reporting live from… well my treehouse. Turns out the U.S. is deeper in debt than Homer after a Duff binge! Moody's those fancy pants credit rating people downgraded our debt. Apparently owing $36.2 trillion is a bit of a buzzkill. And get this they're blaming Trump's so called 'big beautiful' spending bill. I say 'big beautiful' disaster! It's like Krusty's new burger – sounds good but you'll regret it later.

Don't Have a Cow Man! Wall Street Freaks Out!

So the big shots on Wall Street are freaking out more than Principal Skinner at a school prank. Some lady named Kathy Jones (who I bet is no relation to Sideshow Bob) says Moody's just confirmed what everyone already knew: we're going down the drain. She said this 'big beautiful' bill ain't helping. Newsflash: water is wet and Lisa is still a know it all.

Tax Cuts? More Like Tax Cuts My Budget!

So they want to cut taxes without cutting spending? That's like offering free donuts at Lard Lad but charging extra for the napkins! Apparently this could push the deficit (that’s the money we’re short duh) to 7% of… whatever GDP is. Sounds scary right? Like when Milhouse tries to act cool.

Japan and China Are Giving Us the Evil Eye!

To make matters worse we're picking fights with Japan and China who happen to hold a TON of our debt. It's like when I mooned Mr. Burns and he cut off my allowance! Now everyone's demanding higher interest rates to lend us money. Sheesh even Nelson Muntz wouldn't lend us money at these rates!

Bond Yields Are Jumping Higher Than Ralph Wiggum on a Trampoline!

All this debt drama is making Treasury yields jump higher than a kangaroo on coffee. Investors want more money to take the risk of lending to us. Remember when Bartman tried to fly off the Springfield Gorge? That's how risky investing in US debt feels right now!

The Economy's a Lemon! Time to Prank the System!

So what does this all mean? Higher mortgage rates stock market jitters and a global economy that's more complicated than Lisa's taxes. Some dude named Mitch Goldberg says the dam is breaking! He is saying that the stock market's gonna move around like crazy. I say bring it on! Time to prank the system before it pranks us! Now where's my slingshot?