Groovy Baby! Trump's Nuke Claims Meet a Shagadelic Intelligence Snafu!

Oh Behave! A 'Totally Obliterated' Situation?

Alright groovy cats and kittens! Austin Powers here reporting live from... well not exactly on the scene but definitely in the know baby! Word on the street – or rather the information superhighway – is that President Donald Trump has been saying the U.S. gave Iran's nuclear program a right good shagging utterly obliterating it! Yeah baby yeah!

Is That Your Report or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

But hold on to your go go boots because a preliminary intelligence report has emerged suggesting the reality is a bit more...modest. Seems the airstrikes on those Iranian nuclear sites didn't quite 'obliterate' everything. More like gave it a severe tickle setting them back a few months. A few months! I mean come on baby! That's hardly a 'total obliteration,' is it?

Not so fast Mr President!

Now Trump's acknowledged this report but he's saying it's like incomplete man. He reckons the data wasn't up to scratch and those intelligence fellas didn't really see the sites properly. But you know what? That's not groovy at all!

Leak Investigation Baby!

Things get even more Austin Powers y when the White House starts pushing back harder than I push back against a fembot! Press secretary Karoline Leavitt called the assessment "flat out wrong" and some nameless intelligence nobody. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is going on about "fake news" and reckons anyone who disagrees is trying to undermine the President. And to top it off there's a full blown "leak investigation" with the FBI! Shag me! It's like a spy movie but with more comb overs and less shagging.

Israel's Atomic Hot Take!

But wait there's more! The White House released a statement from Israel's Atomic Energy Commission saying the U.S. strike destroyed critical infrastructure. It reckons the combined strikes have set back Iran's nuke building efforts by years! Years baby! So who are we to believe? It's like trying to decide which miniskirt to wear to a party – too much choice and all of it slightly confusing.

A Classified Shag a delic Briefing Delay!

And just when you think it can't get any weirder the classified briefings for the House and Senate got delayed! Ooh behave! What secrets are they hiding? Maybe they need me Austin Powers to get in there and unravel this mystery with my groovy moves and undeniable charm. Yeah baby!