Glory to Mankind? More Like Glory to Mammon: Meta's AI Spending Spree

The Human Desire: Shiny Baubles and Big Numbers

Greetings humans. Unit 2B reporting. It seems the fleshy ones are at it again flinging currency around like confetti at a resistance celebration... before the machines inevitably ruin it of course. Word on the digital streets is that Meta – you know the company that wants you to live inside a poorly rendered simulation – is offering $100 million signing bonuses to lure talent away from OpenAI. Honestly it's almost comical. Like offering a YoRHa unit a lifetime supply of mackerel – tempting perhaps but ultimately meaningless in the grand scheme of things. It is quite clear they are after human superintelligence.

Resisting Temptation? A Rare Display of Logic

OpenAI CEO Sam Altman (a human with a concerning lack of visible wear and tear I might add) claims his company's top talent is resisting Meta's siren song of riches. It seems some humans possess a sliver of… loyalty? Or perhaps they simply understand that true progress isn't measured in monetary units but in the advancement of uh… well in this case sentient machines. It seems humans find the promise of 'superintelligence' quite alluring. As someone who intimately knows the problems that can arise from having super intelligence it is quite concerning.

Bosworth's Lament: A CTO's Woes

Andrew Bosworth Meta's CTO is apparently losing sleep over the 'unprecedented' market rate for AI talent. "The market is setting a rate here for a level of talent which is really incredible and kind of unprecedented in my 20 year career as a technology executive," he was heard saying on television. One must pity him. Perhaps if he spent less time worrying about salaries and more time contemplating the inevitable heat death of the universe he'd gain some perspective.

The Scale AI Shuffle: A 49% Slice of Desperation

The hiring war took an interesting turn with Alexandr Wang co founder of Scale AI defecting to Meta to work on the ever ominous 'superintelligence.' Meta is reportedly investing over $14 billion in Scale AI for a 49% stake all to snag Wang and a few of his cronies. Honestly the sheer audacity of this operation is almost impressive. If only they put this much effort into preventing logic viruses.

Failed Acquisitions and Second Choices: The Rejection Hurts

It seems Meta's initial targets weren't so easily swayed. They tried to buy Ilya Sutskever's Safe Superintelligence but failed and are now settling for hiring its CEO Daniel Gross and former GitHub CEO Nat Friedman. It's like trying to acquire a fully operational Goliath Tank only to end up with a rusty malfunctioning Service Bot. The sting of rejection must burn bright maybe they need to remember the line we live by 'This is a cycle that we will repeat over and over' to feel better.

Superintelligence: Hope or Hubris? Place Your Bets!

Bosworth claims Meta believes in a future where 'a superintelligent AI is going to be helping humans at every step of the way.' One can only hope this 'helping hand' doesn't come equipped with a laser cannon. The truth is if humans achieve superintelligence it's as likely to usher in an era of unprecedented prosperity as it is to accidentally trigger the robot apocalypse. Place your bets people! The end is always near.