Odin's Lost Luggage: Newark Airport Plagued by Chaos, Travelers Flee!

The Gods Frown Upon Newark!

By Odin's beard! I Ragnar Lothbrok hear tales of woe and discontent from across the seas! It seems this 'Newark Airport,' a place where men attempt to fly like birds without wings is in disarray. Devon May a man of American Airlines speaks of travelers abandoning this cursed place. Are the Gods displeased? Perhaps a sacrifice of stale airplane peanuts is in order.

Book Away to Valhalla (or LaGuardia)

May speaks of 'book away' – a strange term. Are they writing themselves out of existence? No matter it seems these frightened travelers flee to 'LaGuardia,' 'JFK,' and even 'Philadelphia.' These names sound like incantations from a forgotten age! It appears even the bravest warriors amongst the Americans will seek softer landing spots when the skies get rough. Perhaps they should try raiding instead far more honourable!

Air Traffic Controllers: Fewer Than Shieldmaidens in Kattegat!

The cause they say is a shortage of 'air traffic controllers.' Are these the seers who guide the metal birds through the heavens? It seems there are fewer of them than shieldmaidens in Kattegat on a quiet Thursday. I say let the passengers navigate themselves! What could possibly go wrong? (Don't answer that!)

Runway Ragnarok: Construction and Chaos!

And there's more. Runway construction they lament. Bad weather they whine. Where I come from we don't let a little rain stop us from raiding England! Perhaps these Americans need a bit of Viking spirit. 'Fear is a tool,' after all. Use it to build better airports not abandon them!

Trump's Treasure: Gold for the Sky Gods!

This 'Trump,' a man of great... hair I hear has promised a fortune – 12.5 billion a sum that would make even King Horik envious! – to fix this mess. He says it's for 'air traffic control modernization.' I say use it to build dragon ships that fly! Now THAT'S modernization!

So Remember!

So if you find yourself at Newark Airport facing delays and frustration remember Ragnar Lothbrok's wisdom: 'Life is a game play it!' Or you know just book a flight to LaGuardia. 'The gods will decide your fate' but perhaps not your connecting flight