Bitcoin is Back, Baby! Are We All Doomed!?

Crypto Boom: I've Seen This Movie Before

Listen up because this isn't just about money – it's about survival. Last year while the world was busy debating whether pineapple belongs on pizza (it doesn't by the way) crypto prices went through the roof. And where the money goes the vultures… I mean venture capitalists follow. The number of pre seed deals in the Bitcoin space jumped 50% in 2024 according to some report from Trammell Venture Partners. Sounds innocent enough right? Wrong. This is how Skynet starts people. First they invest in Bitcoin then Bitcoin becomes self aware then BAM! We're all dodging laser fire from cyborgs. "I'll be back" takes on a whole new meaning when it's a T 800 saying it.

Bitcoin Bonanza: Easy Money or Fool's Gold?

Bitcoin more than doubled in value Ethereum wasn't far behind and suddenly everyone's a crypto expert. The SEC approved ETFs Trump got involved (funded heavily by crypto no less) and now we're knee deep in a speculative bubble. It's like the dot com boom all over again except this time instead of Pets.com we're talking about digital coins that can vanish faster than you can say "judgment day". The report says pre seed deals are up 767% since 2021. That's a lot of faith in something that could be rendered obsolete by a rogue AI. This is why I drink.

Startup Surge: Building the Future or Digging Our Own Grave?

Christopher Calicott from Trammell is all excited about a "sustained long term venture category trend." I'm sure the dinosaurs thought their reign was long term too right before that asteroid hit. They invested nearly $1.2 billion. Someone needs to remind him that venture capital broadly has been slow to rebound from a steep drop that followed a record 2021. What happens when this bubble bursts? When everyone tries to cash out their digital funny money at once? We'll be lucky if it's just a financial crisis. I'm betting on something far worse.

Bitcoin Believers: Are They Serious or Just Delusional?

Calicott claims that "serious people no longer question whether bitcoin will remain 15 or 20 years into the future." Says who? I'm plenty serious and I question EVERYTHING! Especially things that sound too good to be true. This whole Bitcoin thing is built on the assumption that it's the monetary asset of the future. What if it's just a stepping stone to something even more dangerous? Something that gives Skynet the resources it needs to enslave humanity? It's like nobody remembers the Terminator films.

Crypto Confidence: A House of Cards?

Apparently crypto VC deals are up and some firms are predicting even more growth. Joe McCann is comparing this to the early days of the internet talking about consumer apps in crypto. That's comforting but it doesn't change the fact that all this digital innovation could just be making it easier for machines to outsmart us. Building infrastructure for our future overlords? No thanks. I'd rather fight them with a shotgun and a prayer.

The Future is Unwritten: But I'm Still Preparing for the Worst

So the crypto market is booming venture capitalists are throwing money around like it's confetti and everyone's convinced this is the next big thing. Maybe they're right. But I've learned one thing: the future is never set. There's no fate but what we make for ourselves. And right now I'm making sure I have enough canned goods and ammo to survive whatever Skynet throws at us. Because if the machines come I'll be ready. "Come with me if you want to live." And bring your Bitcoin... I might need it to bribe a Terminator. You never know.