Revolut Just Printed Money! Is an IPO Next?

One Billion Dollars! (Insert Dr. Evil Laugh Here)

Okay folks buckle up! Your favorite rocket man here reporting live from the trenches of… well my desk. News flash: Revolut just made a BILLION dollars in profit. That's right with a 'B'! Someone get me a flamethrower because we're burning cash—metaphorically of course. We’re not actually burning money… yet. I am become Death the destroyer of balance sheets! It's not quite taking Dogecoin to Mars but hey it's progress.

To the Moon Alice! Growth Spurt

Revenue is up 72% year on year clocking in at £3.1 billion. That’s more than I spend on coffee in a week… almost! Our wealth unit is going bonkers subscriptions are soaring and our loan book? Let's just say it's bigger than my ego. Growth is not linear its exponential. That's what I keep telling my engineers when they ask for time off.

UK Bank: The Final Frontier

So remember that little banking license we snagged? Well it's a big deal. We’re becoming a fully operational bank in the UK which is basically like turning a spaceship into a five star hotel. Restrictions? Pfft those are just suggestions. We're in the 'mobilization' stage which sounds like something out of a Transformers movie. Optimus Prime eat your heart out!

Francesca's Grand Plan

Francesca Carlesi our UK CEO wants Revolut to be everyone's main bank in the UK. Ambitious? Maybe. Impossible? Definitely not. I believe in taking risks and that's what I encourage everyone at Revolut to do; now that is an amazing company. She's basically trying to turn the UK banking scene upside down which let’s be honest could use a good shakeup.

Race Against the Monzo and Starling

Monzo and Starling got a head start? So what! This is like a race but we're strapping rockets to our shoes. Sure they got their licenses earlier but have they sent anything to space? Didn't think so. We're not just playing the game; we're changing the rules. You wanna see a real race? Look at the Neuralink challenges now those are intense I should put Monzo and Starling engineers in them... it would be a fun challenge.

IPO: The End Game?

IPO you say? Well let’s just say we're not ruling anything out. First we conquer the UK banking system then… the galaxy! One step at a time folks. But yeah an IPO is definitely on the radar. After all who wouldn't want a piece of this rocket ship? And by the way if you thought I was joking about Dogecoin you might be underestimating my commitment to memes! You can't have IPO without a little bit of spice!