Eat My Shorts ASML Chip Sales Take a Nosedive Like Milhouse on a Skateboard!

Ay Caramba! The Numbers Game

Okay so like some Dutch dudes at ASML are freaking out because their chip making machine sales didn't hit the jackpot. They made a measly 7.74 billion euros but the nerds expected 7.8 billion! And their orders? Fuggedaboutit! Only 3.94 billion euros when everyone thought they'd rake in 4.89 billion. I've seen better numbers on a Krusty Burger menu!

Trump's Tariff tastic Trouble

Turns out this orange dude named Trump is throwing a wrench in the whole thing with his tariff tango. ASML's CEO some guy named Christophe Fouquet (sounds like a fancy perfume right?) says it's causing 'uncertainty.' Uncertainty! That's what I feel when I'm about to prank Principal Skinner! It's like will he fall for it? Will I get detention? Will I get away with it and laugh like Nelson? Ha ha!

Don't Have a Cow Man! Market Jitters

The stock market is all wigged out too. ASML's stock dropped faster than my grades when I'm slacking off in class. Some brainiac named Ben Barringer says the tariffs could cause 'widespread' problems. Sounds serious man. Like when Homer's in charge of the nuclear plant... again. Meltdown imminent!

The Great Exception Confusion

So Trump says smartphones computers and chips are 'temporarily' safe from his tariff monster. But then BAM! He's all like 'Nah just kidding! They're in a different bucket!' What the heck is a tariff bucket anyway? Sounds like something Milhouse would collect his tears in.

National Security Shenanigans

Now the U.S. government is doing a 'national security investigation' into chip imports. They're worried about protecting... something. It's probably just an excuse to boss around other countries. Like when Lisa thinks she's better than everyone because she's in the gifted class. Gag me with a spoon!

Nvidia's Nasty Surprise

Even Nvidia those guys who make the super cool computer graphics stuff are losing billions! They're blaming it on Trump's rules about selling their H20 graphics cards to China. Looks like someone's getting a time out man. This whole thing is messier than Maggie trying to eat spaghetti.