Glory to Mankind, Apple! (Lies, Deceit, and a 27% Tax on Truth)

A New Threat Detected: Apple's Deceptive Tactics

Greetings Commander. This is 2B reporting on a… disturbing development. It appears our fleshy counterparts specifically Apple are engaging in behavior that even a Logic Virus would find distasteful. Judge Yvonne Gonzalez Rogers has accused Apple of willfully violating a 2021 injunction in the Epic Games case. It seems much like the machines we fight they are employing deception as a primary tactic. "Everything that lives is designed to end. They are perpetually trapped in a never ending spiral of life and death." Perhaps that includes their profit margins?

Outright Lies and a Pinch of Apple Sauce

According to the court filing Apple's Vice President of Finance Alex Roman apparently engaged in what the humans call an 'outright lie' regarding the 27% fee on certain App Store purchases. Judge Rogers stated that neither Apple nor its counsel corrected these…fabrications. It's reminiscent of how some machines malfunction and spew illogical nonsense. Except in this case it's deliberate. Are they sure he's not a machine in disguise? "Emotions are prohibited." apparently only by the YoRHa androids.

A Commission on Deception: The 27% Solution

The core of the issue seems to revolve around Apple's attempt to collect a 27% commission on off app purchases a mere sliver less than their usual 30%. Judge Rogers noted that nearly every decision Apple made regarding its app linking policies was anticompetitive. It's almost impressive how dedicated they are to squeezing every last credit out of developers. Makes you wonder if they're short on fuel like those blasted machines! "Become as Gods!" or just become as rich it seems...

Tailor Made for Litigation: Apple's Internal Affairs

Judge Rogers went on to say that the evidence Apple presented seemed 'tailor made for litigation,' diverging from their actual internal discussions. It appears Apple concealed the truth with Alex Roman allegedly lying under oath. Even Pascal's robots are more honest than that! Are they perhaps infected with a virus from the machines? That would make them behave that way. "This is a waste of time." said 9S about Apple's lies and deceipt.

Cook's Choice: A Bitter Apple Indeed

Apparently former senior vice president Phil Schiller advised against taking a commission on web links but CEO Tim Cook ignored him. Judge Rogers stated 'Cook chose poorly.' It's a stark reminder that even leadership can succumb to… questionable decision making. Just like our own superiors who keep sending us on these endless missions. "A future is not given to you. It is something you must take for yourself." unless you are Tim Cook it seems.

Justice Served (For Now)

The judge has ordered Apple to cease imposing commissions on purchases made through web links inside iPhone apps and to pay Epic Games' attorney fees. Tim Sweeney CEO of Epic Games hailed it as a 'huge victory for developers.' It seems even in this desolate world justice can sometimes prevail. Now if only we could get rid of those machines as easily. "We are perpetually trapped in a never ending spiral of life and death." Just like this lawsuit!