Bloody Hell Are These Stocks Worth Betting On!?

The Market's Gone to Birmingham

Right so the market's gone belly up again eh? Like a drunken sot after a night at the Garrison. Cramer's lot they're buying up shares of Danaher and Home Depot. Says it's 'taking advantage of lower prices'. Sounds like someone's been listening to Polly. Smart woman that. Always knew when to buy low sell high. But can we trust the Yanks? That's the real question.

Danaher: The Bioprocessing Gamble

Danaher eh? Fancy name for a company that's been 'under promising and over delivering' for years. Sounds like every politician I've ever met. But even they've stumbled lately. Cramer's lot reckons the 'bioprocessing recovery' is coming. They've upgraded Danaher to a '1 rating'. One what? One chance? One bullet? Let's hope it pays off better than Arthur's last venture. By order of the Peaky Blinders no one loses money on this deal.

Cost Savings? Sounds Like a Squeeze

£150 million in cost savings they say. That's a bloody fortune. Sounds like they're squeezing the life out of someone. Probably some poor sod on the factory floor. But if it makes the shares go up I'll turn a blind eye. Sometimes you have to do business with devils you know. As long as the returns are there who am I to complain? Besides I've done worse for less.

Home Depot: Keeping the Faith

Home Depot. Now that's something even Arthur could understand. Building stuff. Fixing stuff. Solid as a brick. Cramer's 'keeping the faith' despite the housing market being softer than Finn's brain. Faith is a luxury I can't afford. But if they're buying maybe there's something to it. I'll have to keep an eye on this one. Maybe even send Johnny Dogs to have a look around. You never know what you might find.

Small Buys: Nibbling or Panicking?

These 'small buys'. Is it nibbling or is it panic? Like a cornered rat. They say timing is everything. And so is picking the right war. But right now the war is in Ukraine what has this got to do with stocks right? If these shares go down I'm blaming everyone and everything. Even Churchill (even though he is dead).

Trust No One Especially Americans

So Cramer's lot is making moves. Buying this selling that. Says it's all for charity. Right. I wouldn't trust a Yank any further than I could throw 'em. But if there's money to be made I'm in. Just remember trust no one. Not even yourself. Especially not when it comes to the bloody stock market. Now if you'll excuse me I have a distillery to run and the world to conquer. And a whiskey to pour.