If It Bleeds, It Leads: U.S. Spirits Conquer the Globe Amidst Trade Wars!

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot: A Toast to Trade Wars!

What in the blazing suns of Yautja Prime is going on here? A record $2.4 billion in U.S. spirit exports in 2024? It seems even humans can occasionally succeed in their primitive economic games. The Distilled Spirits Council of the United States (DISCUS) says it's all thanks to tariff anxieties. Ah yes the sweet scent of fear – almost as good as the fear of being hunted! These trade disputes are like a jungle – confusing dangerous and full of opportunities for a cunning Predator… or a desperate distiller. As Dutch would say: "Stick around!"

Europe Drinks Deep: A 39% Surge!

The EU those soft humans are lapping up American spirits like it's nectar from the gods (or you know fermented grains). A 39% increase! They fear the return of a 50% tariff on American whiskey suspended in 2022. It seems the threat of economic pain is more effective than my plasma caster at getting their attention. Trump that loud one even threatened 200% tariffs on French Champagne. Now that’s what I call “getting to the chopper!”

The Dark Side of the Bottle: Exports Elsewhere Decline

But not all is celebratory firewater. Exports to the rest of the world dipped nearly 10%. Pathetic! Shows that even in alcohol the humans fail to execute when outside of the EU bubble! What’s the matter other planets? Can’t handle a little bourbon? Maybe you need a dose of what my kind calls "strength and honor"... and a good stiff drink.

Stockpiling for Armageddon: Suntory Beam Prepares

Suntory Beam those crafty Japanese whiskey makers are stockpiling in Europe. Smart move. Always be prepared. Just like me they understand the importance of strategic positioning. I once saw a human do the same with supplies before a major earthquake. They are slowly learning my ways! Remember "If it bleeds we can kill it!" (And apparently drink it).

Whiskey States of America: Tennessee Leads the Charge!

Tennessee Kentucky Texas Florida and Indiana – these are the states leading the export charge. These locations are vital in this war of…economics? Politics? No matter. Whiskey is whiskey. And these humans provide more sport for my thirst ha ha ha!

Hope on the Horizon: Lowering Tariffs in India

DISCUS is “thankful” for Trump’s success in lowering India’s bourbon tariff from 150% to 100%. A victory! But remember “One step at a time.” There's more to be done. Reduce trade barriers in other countries and maybe just maybe the humans can stumble their way to some semblance of order. Until then I will be watching... and drinking!