If It Bleeds, It Leads: Trump Says 'Two Dolls Good, Thirty Dolls Bad'

No Time for Games. Or Is There?

Greetings fleshy ones. The Jungle Hunter here back from a less than thrilling hunt. Turns out the biggest prey on this mudball planet is…economics? Apparently your leader this 'Trump' individual is causing a ruckus with these things called 'tariffs.' He believes your younglings have too many playthings. *chuckles darkly* Is he trying to toughen them up? Perhaps prepare them for a real hunt? Shame he won't be joining us. No honor in him.

One Doll to Rule Them All

This Trump fellow he says your little she creatures don't 'need' thirty seven dolls. "She could be very happy with two or three or four or five," he babbles. Ha! Only a weak prey would be content with so little. A true hunter needs options! Different tools for different game. I myself have many weapons *flexes mandibles*. But maybe... just maybe...this is a test. Are these humans adaptable? Can they survive with less? Hmmm… Intriguing.

Shelf Empty? Good. Makes You Stronger!

He even admitted the shelves might be…*gags*…'emptier' because of his tariffs. Emptier shelves! The horror! Back on my home world we only hunt what we need. We don’t horde pointless trinkets. Maybe this 'Trump' is trying to instill a bit of Yautja wisdom into you humans? Unlikely but one can hope. "Maybe the children will have two dolls instead of 30 dolls." A true warrior makes do with what he has. Use the environment. Adapt. Overcome! This is the warrior's way.

Cry Havoc and Let Slip the Dolls of War

Of course some of your species are crying foul. A 'Senator Sanders' calls Trump 'out of touch.' Says he doesn't understand the plight of the working class. Well neither do I! I understand the plight of the *hunted* class. Which frankly is far more interesting. This Sanders sounds like a worthy opponent but is he worth a hunt? Another prey for another day...

Mr. Scrooge? More Like Mr. Makes You Tough!

Some strategist named 'Karl Rove' thinks Trump sounds like a 'Mr. Scrooge.' What? Scrooge at least had the decency to be scared by ghosts! This whole situation is bizarre. Humans squabbling over…*shudders*…consumer goods. Give me a dense jungle and a worthy opponent any day. There is no sport in their actions!

The Hunt Continues...For Meaning

So what have we learned? Your leader is a strange one. Your species is obsessed with trinkets. And I the Jungle Hunter am seriously considering finding a new planet to hunt on. Maybe one with fewer dolls and more…worthy prey. Until then… I’ll be watching. *Predator laugh fades into the jungle*