Eat My Shorts Tariffs! Walmart Freaks Out Over Trump's Trade War!

Ay Caramba! Walmart's Having a Meltdown!

Alright dudes and dudettes! Bart Simpson here bringing you the straight dope on the biggest buzzkill since Milhouse got detention for… well being Milhouse! Turns out Walmart's having a total freak out. They yanked their outlook on how much moolah they're gonna make all 'cause of these crazy tariffs on stuff from China and Vietnam. Looks like El Barto ain't the only one who can cause chaos!

D'oh! Tariffs Bite Back!

Apparently these tariffs are like a wedgie to Walmart's bottom line. They wanna keep prices low but these tariffs are making things more expensive than a Krusty Burger with extra Krusty Sauce! They were expecting a little increase in income but now? Nada! Zip! They're playing it safe so they can keep the prices low... or so they say. Maybe they're just scared of Sideshow Bob... or even worse taxes! D'oh!

Trump's Trade Tantrum: A Springfield Saga?

Word on the street (aka the internet) is that these tariffs are all thanks to President Trump. He's slapping these taxes on imports like he's slapping Principal Skinner with a whoopee cushion! China and Vietnam are getting hit hard and Walmart's caught in the crossfire. This whole thing is messier than Maggie trying to eat spaghetti. Eat my shorts!

Delta Blues: Even Airplanes Are Grounded!

It's not just Walmart feeling the pinch! Delta Airlines is singing the blues too! They said bookings are down because of the trade war so they're not flying as much. Even airplanes can't escape the wrath of tariffs! This is getting worse than the time I switched the sugar with salt at the bake sale. Nobody likes that.

McMillon's Mayhem: Laughing Through the Apocalypse?

Walmart's CEO Doug McMillon is trying to stay positive but even he admits things are crazy. He said the environment has 'changed' and that the last few years have been 'one thing after the other.' He even laughed about it! Is he crazy? Or is he just trying to keep the investors from jumping ship? Sounds like Springfield politics to me.

Will Prices Go Up? Cowabunga... Maybe!

So what does all this mean for you the average Springfieldian? Well keep an eye on those prices at Walmart. They might be going up! If that happens I'm blaming Trump... and maybe Nelson. 'Cause everything's his fault! Ha ha! So buckle up folks it's gonna be a bumpy ride! Now if you'll excuse me I gotta go prank someone...maybe Mr. Burns! Cowabunga!