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Showing 101 to 110 of 137 news articles

Professor Farnsworth analyzes MercadoLibre CEO's prediction that Latin America could benefit from the U.S.-China trade war, with a dash of doomsday scenarios and senile commentary. image

Good News Everyone! Trade War Profits Predicted by Argentinian Mogul!

Fri 25 April, 2025 17:36
2 minutes to read

MercadoLibre CEO Marcos Galperin thinks Latin America could benefit from the U.S.-China trade war, while I, Professor Farnsworth, mostly just worry about running out of Slurm. image

Good News Everyone! Latin America Poised to Profit From Trade Wars, Says Some Guy Who's Not Me (Sadly)

Fri 25 April, 2025 17:36
2 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth analyzes the baffling back-and-forth between the U.S. and China regarding ongoing trade negotiations. Is it progress, or just another doomsday device in disguise? image

Good News Everyone! Trump Claims Trade Talks With China Are Happening...Maybe?

Fri 25 April, 2025 02:24
2 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth explains how bond ladders can help preserve your retirement nest egg amidst tariff uncertainty and stock market volatility, with a healthy dose of senile humor. image

Good News, Everyone! Bond Ladders Can Save Your Geriatric Hide From Stock Market Mayhem!

Thu 24 April, 2025 15:38
3 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth explains how bond ladders can help near-retirees protect their nest eggs amidst stock market turmoil, with a touch of inflation-protected securities for that extra 'oomph'. image

Good News Everyone! Bond Ladders: A Geriatric Strategy for a Volatile Stock Market!

Thu 24 April, 2025 15:38
2 minutes to read

Polls reveal a significant drop in Americans' confidence in President Trump's handling of the economy, raising concerns about his economic policies and overall approval. image

Good News Everyone! Trump's Economic Approval Ratings Plummet!

Wed 23 April, 2025 21:55
2 minutes to read

Discord's CEO Jason Citron resigns, replaced by Activision Blizzard's Humam Sakhnini, sparking IPO rumors and leaving users in a state of bewildered anticipation. image

Good News Everyone Discord CEO Steps Down Leaving Us All Wondering Why!

Wed 23 April, 2025 19:42
3 minutes to read

The FDA is phasing out petroleum-based synthetic dyes, potentially changing the vibrant colors of popular snacks and drinks. Will this make us all healthier, or just less visually stimulated? image

Good News Everyone! Are Your Favorite Foods About to Become Less... Radioactive?!

Tue 22 April, 2025 20:22
2 minutes to read

Professor Farnsworth dissects Lockheed Martin's Q1 earnings, revealing a fascinating correlation between war, profit, and slightly worrying trends in international relations. Wernstrom! image

Good News Everyone! Lockheed Martin Profits Soar Amidst Global Mayhem!

Tue 22 April, 2025 12:26
3 minutes to read

The FTC is suing Uber for allegedly deceptive subscription practices, including misleading advertising and difficult cancellation processes. Could this be the end of free refills? image

Good News Everyone Uber in Hot Water With the FTC!

Mon 21 April, 2025 18:03
2 minutes to read