Good News Everyone Discord CEO Steps Down Leaving Us All Wondering Why!

A Shocking Announcement!

Good news everyone! Or perhaps… is it? Jason Citron the head honcho over at Discord has decided to shuffle off this mortal coil… of the CEO position that is! Yes you heard right! He's stepping down leaving me to wonder 'Have I invented the Fing Longer yet? Because I need to point fingers and ask questions!' Turns out he's handing the reins over to some whippersnapper from Activision Blizzard named Humam Sakhnini. Sakhnini will be new Discord CEO and join the company's board this Monday!

Why the Sudden Departure?

Citron claims it 'feels like the right time' whatever that means. Is he being chased by space bees? Did he finally discover the secret to eternal youth and no longer needs the stress? Perhaps he's just tired of all those youngsters yelling about 'servers' and 'emojis.' Frankly I wouldn't blame him. Kids these days! Anyway he says Discord has a 'clear strategy' and 'an incredible team.' If you ask me those are the famous last words before a company is taken over by robot Santa. But he will be on Discord's board and become an advisor to the CEO the company confirmed.

Hiring Himself Out of a Job!

According to Citron 'the job of a CEO is constantly evolving and over the years I have continuously 'hired myself out of a job,'' he said in a public memo to employees. 'However as I look at what is needed of Discord's CEO over the next few years I realize that it's time for me to literally 'hire myself out of a job.'" How very...efficient! It's like inventing a machine that replaces you only to find out the machine is better at your job. On the other hand this does sound like a complicated setup for a tax write off.

A Gaming Guru Takes Over!

Sakhnini apparently is some big shot from Activision Blizzard. He helped oversee games like *World of Warcraft* *Call of Duty* and… *Candy Crush*? Oh dear god! Let's hope he doesn't turn Discord into a never ending puzzle game filled with microtransactions. Anyway Citron seems to think Sakhnini's '15 year experience in the video game industry' will steer the startup he co founded alongside Chief Technology Officer Stanislav Vishnevskiy in 2012.

IPO? Oh My Yes!

Whispers on the wind say that Discord is considering an Initial Product Offering (IPO). An IPO you say? I'll get my stock ticker tape! But of course when asked a Discord spokesperson gave the usual corporate double speak about 'not comment[ing] on rumors or speculation.' Probably just wants to keep the suspense high. Much like when I almost revealed the secret of dark matter engines and then got distracted by a shiny object. The suspense is terrible I hope it will last.

Discord By The Numbers!

Discord the darling of the CNBC's Disruptor 50 list boasts around 200 million monthly active users! 200 million! That's like what ten times the population of Omicron Persei 8? Or at least it feels like it when they're all arguing about the proper use of the 'pogchamp' emote. And it is valued at around $14.7 billion according to PitchBook. Now that's what I call a lot of Slurm!