Biden's Got a 'Situation': Prostate Cancer Diagnosis Shakes Political Landscape

Say My Name: Biden's Bad News Breaks

Alright folks Saul Goodman here your favorite lawyer... and commentator apparently! Word on the street – and by street I mean the internet – is that former Prez Joe Biden’s got himself a little… situation. Prostate cancer they’re saying. Now I'm no MD but even I know that ain't ideal. Seems like old Joe went to the doc after experiencing some… plumbing issues. Found a nodule and BAM! Cancer. And not the 'meh' kind either apparently it has spread which is never good believe me I know.

Gleason Score? Sounds Like a Fancy Golf Term

They're throwing around terms like 'Gleason score' – sounds like something you'd yell on a golf course. Turns out it's a rating of how bad the cancer is. Biden's got a 9 out of 10! Now I'm not saying the guy's in deep Kimchi but it definitely sounds like he needs a good lawyer… I mean a good doctor. And quick. Apparently the cancer has spread to the bone which is like the bonus level of bad news. But hey at least it's hormone sensitive! So there's that. You break the bad news to the client I’ll get the coffee.

Political Prayers and 'Thoughts': It's All Good Man!

Now you know how it goes in politics. When someone's down everyone's suddenly their best friend. Trump the guy who probably nicknamed Biden 'Sleepy Joe 2.0' five minutes ago is now sending 'fast and successful recovery' wishes. Oh the humanity! And Kamala Harris bless her heart is keeping him in her 'hearts and prayers.' Look I'm sure it's all sincere but let's be honest everyone's got their own angle. Just like me I have my angle! I can get Joe the best cancer lawyers… I mean doctors! For a reasonable fee of course!

Health Concerns: The Elephant in the Oval Office

Let's not beat around the bush (no pun intended): Biden's age and health were big issues during his time in office. Remember that debate where he looked like he was auditioning for a zombie movie? Yeah not his finest moment. And then he bailed on the reelection bid handing the keys back to Trump. Some folks were whispering that his aides were hiding how bad things really were. All speculation of course but where there's smoke there's usually a money making opportunity. I mean fire!

Cancer Moonshot: Aiming for the Stars… Or at Least a Lower Death Rate

Biden to his credit did try to tackle cancer during his presidency with his 'Cancer Moonshot' initiative. Aiming to halve the death rate in 25 years? Ambitious sure but you gotta admire the guy for trying. Of course politics being politics it's probably just another way to distract us all from the impending apocalypse. But hey if it helps even one person I'm all for it. As long as it doesn't cut into my profits that is!

Better Call Saul… For Support? (Maybe)

So what's the takeaway here folks? Well Joe Biden's got a fight on his hands. A big one. And while I may not be a medical professional I know a thing or two about navigating tough situations. So Joe if you're reading this and you need someone to… you know 'handle' things you know who to call. Saul Goodman attorney at law. Just remember 'no questions asked' comes at a premium.