Oh Dear! America Goes Boom Boom in Iran, Says Man with Funny Hair!

Beans on Toast... and Bombs!

Right so I saw this news thingy – apparently the man with the funny hair the one who likes to shout a lot says America went all 'boom boom' in Iran. They dropped what he calls a 'full payload of BOMBS'. Makes you think of fireworks doesn't it? Except instead of pretty colours there's probably a lot of dust and angry faces. Reminds me of the time I tried to make toast in the bath – definitely a 'Mr. Bean' moment. Disaster!

Planes Go Wee! Wee! All the Way Home

Apparently all the planes are 'safely on their way home'. Good. Wouldn't want them getting lost. I get lost going to the shops sometimes. Remember that time I tried to drive from the armchair on top of my car? Absolute madness! Anyway this shouting man seems very proud. Thinks his 'great American Warriors' are the bee's knees. I once tried to be a warrior you know. With a plastic sword and a saucepan lid. Didn't go so well against Mrs. Wicket's cat.

Peace? What's Peace?

Then he shouts 'NOW IS THE TIME FOR PEACE!' Bit confusing innit? After all the 'boom boom' he wants everyone to hold hands and sing 'Kumbaya'. Like trying to unbake a cake after you've already eaten half of it. It simply doesn't compute! Teddy doesn't think it makes much sense either.

Diplomacy? Is That Like Making Tea?

Apparently they were trying to be all 'diplomatic' like making tea and having a nice chat. But something went wrong and now it's all 'boom boom'. Reminds me of the time I tried to fix my tap with a rubber chicken and a jar of mayonnaise. Utter chaos! This whole situation is a bit like trying to explain quantum physics to Teddy.

Iran is Not Happy

The Iranian Ayatollah Ali Khamenei bloke is not happy. He said if America goes in they'll get a big ouchie they can't recover from. Sounds serious. Like when I tried to cut my hair with hedge trimmers. Big mistake. This reminds me of when I tried to fix my car's engine and somehow ended up with a bicycle.

Two Weeks? That's Ages!

Before all the 'boom boom' the shouting man said he'd wait 'two weeks' to see if they could sort it out. Two weeks! That's ages! I can get into all sorts of trouble in two weeks. Last time I had two weeks I accidentally painted my entire flat bright pink and tried to train a pigeon to do the washing up. This whole thing is a bit like trying to assemble flat pack furniture without the instructions. Utterly bewildering!