Minnesota Manhunt Ends Peacefully: No Kung Fu Required, But Still Serious Business!

Holy Criminals Batman! A Mess in Minnesota!

Hello everyone! It's Jackie Chan here and boy do I have a story for you. I read this news about Minnesota and it's more twisted than a pretzel after a long day of filming! This guy Vance Luther Boelter – sounds like a villain from one of my old movies doesn't he? – caused a whole heap of trouble. It's like when I'm trying to get through a crowded market in 'Rumble in the Bronx,' but instead of accidentally knocking over fruit stands this guy allegedly attacks people! And not just anyone but state officials! It's like a political version of 'Who Am I?' – everyone's trying to figure out what's going on!

Manhunt: More Intense Than a Police Story Sequel!

They called it the 'largest manhunt in the state's history.' Woah! That sounds like something straight out of 'Police Story'! Imagine 20 SWAT teams! It’s like a real life action movie but sadly without the cool stunts and humorous outtakes. This Boelter guy was hiding in the woods playing hide and seek with the authorities. It reminds me of when I was trying to evade those bad guys in 'Operation Condor,' but instead of ancient artifacts they were after a potentially dangerous criminal! Someone call Benny Chan we need a movie!

The Peaceful Resolution: Like a Scene From Shanghai Noon!

Here's the kicker: they caught him without any violence! No punches no kicks no using a ladder as a weapon! It's like a scene from 'Shanghai Noon' where I try to resolve things peacefully but usually someone throws the first punch. The police showed incredible restraint. Remember what I always say 'Don't fight! Unless you have to.' Looks like they took my advice to heart! I'm glad everyone is safe I wouldn't want anyone getting seriously hurt. I save that for the movies!

Masks and Uniforms: This Ain't No Rush Hour 3!

This Boelter character even put on a latex mask and a fake police uniform. What is this 'Rush Hour 3' meets 'Mission: Impossible'? I've worn some crazy disguises in my films but this is taking things to a whole new level of serious. It’s disturbing that someone would go to such lengths to commit these crimes. This is not the time for jokes the man is clearly unhinged.

Lists and 'Other Thoughts': More Confusing Than a Project A Plot!

They found a list of potential targets. A LIST! It's like he was planning a sequel to 'Wheels on Meals,' but instead of running a food truck he was plotting something far more sinister. "Other thoughts" mixed in with the names? Sounds like a brainstorming session gone completely wrong. Someone should have told him to just meditate and drink tea instead! You know something relaxing.

Condolences and Calls for Justice: Time for serious talk

This situation is really upsetting. My heart goes out to the families of Melissa Hortman and her husband Mark. It's a real tragedy. Senator Klobuchar said she was a 'true public servant'. I'm just a movie star but I know how important it is to do the right thing. I am glad that even President Trump has addressed the horrible violence such violence is not welcome anywhere ever. I hope justice is served and peace returns to Minnesota. And remember folks always try to resolve things peacefully. Unless of course you’re in one of my movies. Then bring on the action! Hahaha!