Giggity! World on Brink as Trump Mulls Iran Attack: Is This Gonna Mess With My Dating Life?

Giggity Giggity... Is That a Nuclear Threat?

Alright! So the world's about to go kablooey? Fantastic! I mean not for the world but for me Quagmire! You know what they say in times of crisis women flock to the strong the handsome... the ones who can open a jar of pickles! Apparently Trump's thinking about slapping Iran around. And Russia? Well they're screaming like Lois when she sees a spider. 'Terrible spiral of escalation,' they say. Sounds like my last date Giggity!

Cobra Meetings and Embassy Evacuations: Sounds Like a Party!

The UK's in a tizzy holding 'Cobra meetings'. Sounds kinky but apparently it's just fancy talk for 'we're scared stiff'. They're pulling their embassy folks out of Tel Aviv faster than I can down a cold one at The Drunken Clam. Meanwhile Starmer's yapping about peace at the G7. Good luck with that buddy. With those odds I would have better luck going to The Clam and asking Lois out for a date. Giggity!

Trump's Got a Plan... Maybe. Probably Not.

Trump's being all mysterious saying he might attack might not. 'Nobody knows what I'm going to do,' he barks. I tell you that man is a bigger mystery than why Bonnie puts up with Joe. 'The next week is going to be big,' he promises. I hope so! Maybe I'll finally get that date with Jennifer Aniston! That would be sweeter than when I caught Pamela Anderson sunbathing in my yard! Giggity!

Dirty Work and Ceasefires: Where's the Fun?

Germany's Chancellor thinks Israel's doing the 'dirty work.' I know a thing or two about dirty work and let me tell you it's usually more fun than this. China's whining about a ceasefire. Seriously? Where's the fun in that? It sounds like a slow Sunday at the Pewterschmidt mansion. The world is gonna end and I am going to die a virgin! Giggity!

Putin and Xi Team Up: Now That's a Bromance!

Putin and Xi are buddies now apparently. They're scolding Israel like they're Peter scolding Meg for... well for being Meg. Something about violating the UN Charter. I'm pretty sure my dating habits violate some charter somewhere but who's counting? Diplomacy they say is the only way forward. Yeah diplomacy and maybe a well placed wink from yours truly! Giggity!

Missiles and Mayhem: Is This The End of Giggity?

Missiles are flying hospitals are getting hit. Sounds like a typical Tuesday in Quahog! Iran and Israel are at each other's throats and some Israeli dude wants to erase the Iranian leader from existence. Woah woah woah hold your horses folks! It's not that easy to erase someone just ask Joe how long it takes him to erase a whiteboard. What a mess! All I know is if the world ends I'm going out trying! Giggity Giggity Goo!