Giggity! EU Prepares to Spank Uncle Sam with Trade Retaliation!

Negotiations? More Like Negotia Shuns! Giggity!

Alright! Glen Quagmire here ready to report on this whole brouhaha between Europe and the good ol' U.S. of A. So this Maros Sefcovic fella sounds kinda sexy if you ask me (giggity!) from the European Commission is talking tough. Says they're getting ready to throw some punches... trade punches that is! But remember what Peter Griffin always says 'I learned a long time ago that troubling a woman is like riding a bike... sooner or later you're gonna fall and hurt yourself.'

Rebalancing? Sounds Like a Good Time! (Giggity)

Apparently the EU is prepping some 'rebalancing measures'. Now to me 'rebalancing' sounds like a fun game involving ladies and... well you know (giggity!). But in this case it's all about slapping tariffs on American goods if those darn negotiations go south. You know what they say 'It's always darkest just before somebody says something racist'.

Not At Any Cost? Tell That to My Exes!

Sefcovic is making it clear that negotiations are the priority but 'not at any cost'. Now I've said that to a few ladies myself usually right before I offer to pay for dinner (giggity!). But seriously it sounds like Europe's drawing a line in the sand. And you know what that means: someone's gonna end up with sand in their... well you get the idea!

Tariff ic! (in a bad way)

So what's all the fuss about? Seems like the U.S. has been slapping tariffs on European steel aluminum and even cars. And now there's talk of even more tariffs on pretty much everything else. It’s enough to make a man wanna pack his bags and move to... well maybe not Europe right now. Unless of course they have hot European women (Giggity!)

23 Billion Reasons to Say Giggity... or Not

Back in April the EU already approved tariffs on $23 billion worth of American goodies – corn wheat motorcycles even clothes. It's a regular fire sale of trade retaliation. They've pressed pause until July all thanks to some temporary nice guy act from President Trump but it sounds like all bets are off if things don't improve and someone ends up screaming "Freakin' Sweet!"

97% Coverage? That's More Than My Dating Success Rate! (Lies!)

This Sefcovic guy is saying that U.S. tariffs already cover 70% of EU goods headed to America and could rise to a whopping 97%! That's almost as much coverage as I get when I tell a woman I'm a pilot! Wait I *am* a pilot...Giggity. Anyway if they start hitting pharmaceuticals and semiconductors too things could get real ugly. And I’m not talking about Bonnie Swanson ugly. This is serious!