George Santos Goes to the Big House: Like a Box of Chocolates, You Never Know What You're Gonna Get...In Prison!

My Mama Always Said...

Well folks life is like a box of chocolates and sometimes you bite into a real sour one! Seems this Congressman George Santos he told a whole heap of stories like me tellin' Bubba about shrimpin'. Only his stories got him in a heap of trouble. He’s goin’ to the pokey for over seven years! Mama always said 'Stupid is as stupid does,' and lying to the whole darn country? Well that ain't too smart.

Lies Lies and More Lies

Now I ain’t one for politics but even I know you gotta tell the truth. This Santos fella he said he did all sorts of things he didn't do like winning a ping pong tournament against China or something. He even took money he wasn't supposed to like takin' candy from a baby but a whole lot more! They said he stole unemployment money during that nasty bug and lied on them fancy papers congressmen gotta fill out. It’s kinda like when I filled out the paperwork to be a shrimp boat captain... only I told the truth!

Running is NOT Always the Answer!

They said he pleaded guilty to some things and agreed to pay back nearly $600,000. That's a whole lot of Bubba Gump Shrimp! He even tried to say he should get only a little time like two years but the judge wasn't havin' it. Like when Jenny told me she couldn't be with me. I ran but Santos? Well he just has to sit still for a good long while.

Unrepentant? What's That Mean?

The folks in charge they said he was still being a bit of a rascal on them computers posting stuff that showed he wasn't sorry. They wanted him to stay locked up for 87 months which is a whole lotta months! Makes me think of when I was runnin' across America… seemed like that went on forever.

And That's All I Have to Say About That

So there you have it. George Santos is headin' off to prison. Maybe he’ll meet some nice fellas in there learn to play the harmonica and write a book. Who knows? Like Mama always said you never know what you're gonna get.

Run Forrest Run...From the IRS

This whole thing reminds me of when I made all that money from Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. and that fruit company. My goodness I didn't know what to do with it all! I just gave it away to Bubba's mama and invested in Apple. But this Santos fella he seems to have used his money in ways that landed him in hot water. Guess he should have just run Forrest run... far away from the IRS!