Eat My Shorts, Government! States Sue Over Massive Health Department Layoffs

Couch Gag Gone Wrong!

Hey what's crack a lackin' dudes and dudettes? Bart Simpson here bringing you the news that's so bogus it's almost cromulent! Turns out a bunch of states are throwing a hissy fit at the Prez and his buddy that Elon Musk dude. Apparently they're not too happy about the whole 'axing 10,000 jobs' thing at the Department of Health and Human Services. It's like when Homer tries to fix the toilet and floods the whole house—only this time it's our health that's going down the drain!

Robert F. Kennedy Jr? I Didn't Do It!

So this Robert F. Kennedy Jr. guy he's like 'Let's fire a bunch of people and shut down some agencies! It'll be fun!' And the states are all 'Eat my shorts! You can't just go around dismantling stuff like you're playing with LEGOs!' They're saying he doesn't have the right to do all this and it's messing with Congress's job. Seems like someone's been watching too much 'Itchy & Scratchy' and forgot how the government works! Ha!

Lisa's Got a Point!

Even Lisa would agree that this is a major bummer. They're closing down labs stopping experiments and basically turning the Department of Health into a ghost town. The states are saying that it's gonna make it harder for them to keep us safe from diseases and stuff. Like what if another Krusty Burger gives everyone the Kläboyg? Who's gonna save us then?!

D'oh! No More Vaccine?

And get this! Because of all the firings the FDA missed a deadline to approve a new COVID 19 vaccine. Doh! Looks like Maggie might have to stay inside a bit longer and I might have to keep dodging Milhouse. And they even canceled a test for bird flu because some lab in Illinois got cleaned out. This is worse than when they canceled the Krusty the Clown Anniversary Special!

The CDC's Got the Blues!

It gets even better – or worse depending on how you look at it. The CDC's entire maternal health team got the boot along with a bunch of people working on preventing sexual assault and domestic violence. And get this even the HIV/AIDS research team got the axe can you believe it! If this isn't a Class A goof up then I don't know what it is!

I Didn't Start the Fire!

So these states are now asking a judge to stop all this madness. They want the Department of Health to be fixed up not torn down. Sounds like they're trying to pull a 'Ralph Wiggum' and say 'I didn't do it!' But seriously this whole thing is a bigger mess than when I accidentally superglued Skinner's toupee to his head! Ay caramba!