Eat My Shorts, Cancer! Biden Battles Back!

Ay Caramba! Grampa Joe's Got the Big C!

Alright dudes and dudettes Bart Simpson here bringing you the lowdown on some serious buzzkill. Seems like old Joe Biden the guy who used to run the whole shebang has got a case of the prostate blues. Yeah you heard right cancer. Prostate cancer to be exact. Word on the street or rather from his office is they found a nodule and he's been having some uh 'urinary symptoms.' Sounds like a real pain in the... you know.

Gleason Schmeason! What's That Even Mean?

So these doctor dudes are throwing around fancy terms like 'Gleason score of 9' and 'Grade Group 5.' Sounds like something Milhouse would study for a test. But apparently it means this ain't the Barney Gumble level of cancer. It's spread to the bone which is about as fun as detention with Skinner. Still at least the doctors seem to think they can handle it. Probably with some fancy robot surgery or something. I wonder if they'll let me watch?

Hormone Sensitive? Sounds Like Something Lisa Would Analyze!

Apparently this cancer is 'hormone sensitive,' which sounds like Lisa trying to explain why she's a vegetarian. Supposedly it means they can manage it effectively. Whatever that means hopefully it involves fewer needles and more donuts. I'm sure Dr. Hibbert has some crazy concoction cooked up. Maybe some radioactive isotopes? Or a good ol' fashioned dose of placebo – worked for Homer that one time!

Don't Have a Cow Man! He's Still Got Fight!

Even though this is heavier than Principal Skinner trying to do a keg stand Biden ain't throwing in the towel. He and his family are checking out all the treatment options. Good on him! Gotta fight the good fight even if it involves hospital food. And let's face it compared to Krusty Burger anything is an improvement.

Breaking News? More Like Breaking Wind!

This whole thing is 'breaking news,' they say. More like breaking wind! But seriously I'm just trying to keep it real people. Cancer sucks no matter who you are. So let's all send some good vibes to Biden and hope he kicks this thing in the butt. And maybe send him a donut or two. Or three. Or a whole dozen! He's earned it.

Eat My Shorts Cancer!

So that's the story folks. Stay tuned for more updates but for now let's just hope Biden pulls through. And remember don't have a cow man! Everything's coming up Milhouse... eventually. Unless you're fighting cancer. Then you know things are a little more complicated. But hey what do I know? I'm just a ten year old delinquent. Now if you'll excuse me I've got a chalkboard to deface. Cowabunga!