Yeah, Baby! Trump and Zelenskyy Get Their Groove On (Again!) At Pope's Funeral! Groovy!

A Funeral My Word! Or Is It?

Groovy baby! This is Austin Powers reporting live (sort of) from… well not exactly a happening party. More like a somber shindig for Pope Francis! Apparently that Trump fella and Zelenskyy were there. Can you believe it? Talk about an odd couple! It's like putting Dr. Evil and Mini Me in the same room... or maybe Goldmember and Fat Bastard. I bet they had a right old ding dong!

Shagadelic Secret Meeting!?

A White House official (who I suspect might be a fembot in disguise!) said they had a "very productive" meeting. Ooh saucy! A spokesman for Zelenskyy's office confirmed the rendezvous but was all hush hush about the details. What I like to call a 'shagadelic' secret rendezvous! This is their first pow wow since that awkward Oval Office get together where Trump and Vance gave poor Zelenskyy the stink eye because he didn’t wear a suit! I mean come on! The guy's nation is at war. Give him a break baby!

Peace Man! Or Is It Just a Load of Hooey?!

Trump bless his cotton socks (or are they stars and stripes?) wants a ceasefire. And who doesn't eh? He reckons there's been "productive talks" with Russia. But… there's always a but innit? Apparently there are some serious disagreements brewing like a bad cup of Earl Grey. One side wants tea the other wants coffee and nobody is happy! Maybe some Folgers Crystals would fix the relationship?

Crimea River! Washington's Gone Completely Bonkers!

Now this is where things get a bit 'yeh baby!'. Washington is supposedly proposing that Crimea that bit of Ukraine that Russia annexed in 2014 should be legally recognized as Russian territory. Crikey! That's a red line for Ukraine and its European allies. It's like telling me I can't have my mojo back! Unacceptable!

Sanctions Security and Shillings!?

And that's not all groovy cats and kittens! They're squabbling over how quickly to lift sanctions on Russia what kind of security guarantees Ukraine would get and how much moolah Ukraine should be compensated with. It’s like trying to decide who gets to keep the shaguar after a divorce! Utter madness I tell you!

No Suit No Problem! Zelenskyy Sticks It to the Man!

Back to that suit debacle! Zelenskyy bless his heart showed up in Rome in a dark shirt and military style jacket. Rock on! He's sticking it to the man! It's his way of showing solidarity with his countrymen fighting to defend Ukraine. You tell 'em buddy! A suit? That's not very Austin Powers is it? What Ukraine needs is more mojo! Yeah baby yeah!