Disney Buys Fubo The Mouse Just Ate Your TV! Run For Your Lives!

Another Day Another Disaster...

Alright people listen up. This is Ripley last survivor of the Nostromo. Well almost. Seems Disney that corporate Weyland Yutani of entertainment has just swallowed Fubo whole. They're merging Hulu+ Live TV with Fubo creating some kind of streaming behemoth. It's like the Xenomorph queen just laid an egg in the TV industry and we're all about to get facehugged by subscription fees. Can somebody tell me why we keep letting these things happen?!

Fubo? More Like Fooled!

Apparently Disney now owns 70% of this Fubo thing which used to be some kind of scrappy underdog focused on sports. They even sued Disney and the other big players – Fox and Warner Bros. Discovery – over their sports streaming service called Venu claiming it was anticompetitive. Now Disney's cutting them a check and suddenly all is forgiven? Sounds like somebody just got a very expensive payout to sell out and get assimilated. 'Stick around,' they said. 'It's gonna be a ride,' they said. Yeah a ride straight into the jaws of the Mouse.

Choice? Or Just More Ways to Get Ripped Off?

Fubo's CEO this Gandler fella is spouting nonsense about 'providing consumers with choice.' Choice? Honey I've been in situations with less choice than this. It's like being stuck on a spaceship with a rapidly gestating alien: You can either wait for it to burst out of your chest or try to blow the whole damn ship up! Both services will supposedly be available separately but let's be real this is about Disney consolidating power and figuring out how to squeeze every last credit out of your wallets. "I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

Sports News and the End of the World As We Know It

So Fubo focused on sports and news while Hulu+ Live TV did the entertainment thing. Now they are becoming one entity they'll probably try to cross pollinate and ruin them both in the process. Fubo's stock is up 250%? Well good for them. Maybe they can use that money to build a better escape pod when Disney inevitably starts slashing content and jacking up prices. Look I’m not one to tell people how to live their lives but I do have some insights into dealing with large powerful entities that want to exploit you. Believe me I've learned the hard way!

Venu: The Streamer That Refuses to Die

Remember that Venu thing? The sports streaming service that Fubo tried to kill? Turns out the lawsuit is settled and Venu can go ahead. So what did Fubo actually accomplish here? They got paid off and now they're owned by Disney. I swear some people just don't learn. It's like trying to reason with a Xenomorph. You can scream and shout all you want but it's still going to try and shove an ovipositor down your throat.

What's Next? Disney World But With Facehuggers?

So Fubo's management stays in place but Disney gets to pick the majority of the board. That's like putting the fox in charge of the henhouse except the fox is wearing mouse ears and singing catchy tunes. Disney is already planning more ESPN streaming options because why have one giant soulless entertainment conglomerate when you can have several? I'm telling you people this is how it starts. First they control the streaming services then they control the information then... well then we're all screwed. Just remember in space no one can hear you scream. And soon no one will hear you complain about your exorbitant streaming bill either.