Shelby's Guide to Escaping America: Europe Ain't Birmingham, But It'll Do

A Shelby Solution for American Souls

Right so you're thinking of legging it. America got you down? The sirens of opportunity ain't singing loud enough? I understand. Been there done that though my reasons were somewhat… different. Word on the street is a lot of you Yanks are itching to cross the pond. Tired of the grind the noise the constant bloody hustle. You want something… else. A slower dance a different tune. And who am I to argue with a man chasing a dream eh? Even if most dreams end up as nightmares at least you had the guts to chase 'em. So listen up. I'm going to tell you where to go and how to do it. No fighting. No exceptions.

Visa Ventures and Paper Trails

First things first you need papers. Can't just waltz into a country and start running things. Learned that the hard way. Look for countries with options. Remote worker visas retirement schemes anything that'll get your foot in the door. Spain Portugal even the Dutch are offering deals. Find one that suits your background your 'skills' and make sure you're following the rules regulations and instructions to the letter. I've always found that reading every fine line detail with a good lawyer on your side will allow you to be one step ahead of the game just like playing chess. Remember even empires are built on paperwork.

The Price of Paradise: Is it Worth It?

Money. Always comes down to money doesn't it? You want a better life but you don't want to be bleeding cash. Smart. Places like Spain and Portugal are good bets. Your American dollar stretches further meaning you can enjoy a decent quality of life without having to sell your soul to the devil. Of course if you already sold your soul might as well enjoy the perks eh? Don't go expecting caviar on a beer budget but you can certainly find a decent pint and a plate of tapas without emptying your pockets.

Speak the Language of Acceptance

A friendly face goes a long way. And so does trying to learn the lingo. You don't have to be fluent but showing an effort to speak the local tongue will make you a hell of a lot more welcome. No one likes an outsider who struts in thinking they own the place. Unless that's me of course. Some places like the Netherlands and Portugal speak English widely. Makes it easier to settle in. But even there try to learn a few phrases. 'Please,' 'thank you,' 'where's the nearest distillery?' All good starting points.

The Chosen Few: My Top Picks for Expats

Alright enough rambling. Here's the short list: 1. Spain: Good weather good food and they're willing to give you a visa if you can prove you're not completely useless. Plus the women are beautiful. 2. Portugal: Relaxed pace of life friendly locals and they're practically throwing visas at Americans with a bit of passive income. 3. France: Sophisticated cultured and surprisingly affordable if you stay out of Paris. Just don't expect them to be thrilled to see you. But then again who is? 4. The Netherlands: Efficient modern and everyone speaks English. Perfect for those who like things tidy and organized. Just watch out for the housing crisis; you don't want to end up sleeping on the streets. 5. Albania: Cheap as chips stunning scenery and they let you stay for a year without a visa. A good place to start if you're broke and desperate. Not that I've ever been either.

No Regrets? Only Time Will Tell.

So there you have it. A Shelby guide to escaping America. Remember it's a gamble. No guarantees. But as I always say 'Everyone's a whore Grace. We just sell different parts of ourselves.' So if you're going to sell yourself you might as well do it in a place with decent weather good food and maybe just maybe a glimmer of hope. And don't forget to send me a postcard. Or a bottle of whiskey. Whatever works.