Kraft Heinz Ditching the Rainbow: By Order of the Peaky Blinders (and the FDA)

A Bloody Colorful Business

Right listen up. Kraft Heinz those lot who make the stuff our kids eat have decided to ditch the artificial rainbow by 2027. About bloody time I say. Apparently 10% of their gear in America uses these FD & C colours – the ones that make your Kool Aid look like it was brewed in a nuclear reactor. They’re acting like this is some grand gesture. Truth is they've been backed into a corner. We know that.

Macaroni Ketchup and Avoiding Jail

They say they cleaned up their act with the Kraft Macaroni and Cheese back in 2016. Even claim their ketchup was always pure. Well good for them. Makes you wonder what the hell they were putting in the rest of it. Now some pencil pusher at Kraft Heinz a fella called Pedro Navio is bleating on about 'nutritious affordable and great tasting food.' Peaky Blinders knows that's corporate bollocks. They had no choice.

Uncle Sam is Watching

Turns out the Yanks – led by some bloke called Robert F. Kennedy Jr. – have been breathing down their necks. Something about a 'Make America Healthy Again' platform. Sounds like a church sermon to me but whatever gets the job done. The FDA (that's their version of the council health inspector) is phasing out petroleum based dyes. Petroleum! You wouldn't put petrol in your car and then eat it so why would you feed it to your kids?

Red Number 3: The Devil's Candy

They’ve already banned Red No. 3. Gave sweets and cereals that bright red glow. They say it causes cancer in lab rats. Probably does the same to kids. Always a bloody rat in the ranks isn't there? California banned it last year that's when Kraft Heinz started sweating a bit. Always follow the money trail and in this case the health regulations.

Partnerships and Promises: Words of the Weak

Now Kraft Heinz is all smiles and promises. 'Looking forward to partnering with the administration' they say. Funny isn't it? Suddenly they're all about 'quality affordable and wholesome food.' Sounds like a confession to me. Makes you wonder what else they're hiding. And don't give me that look I always deliver on my promises for better or worse. "Whiskey's good proofing water. Tells you who's real and who isn't."

No Fighting

So there you have it. Kraft Heinz is getting a bit less colourful. Hopefully a bit less poisonous too. Let's see if they keep their word eh? Because in this world you gotta watch everyone. No exceptions. "Everyone's a whore Grace. We just sell different parts of ourselves."