By Order of the Treasury: Student Loan Rates Take a Haircut

A Whisper of Hope in a Den of Vipers

Right listen up. Word on the street – and from some bloke called Kantrowitz sounds like a bookie not that I gamble anymore – is that student loan interest rates might dip a touch for the 2025 2026 academic year. A drop they say could provide some modest relief. Modest. Like finding a quid in a Shelby pocket after a 'business' meeting. Don't get your hopes too high.

The Devil's in the Details As Always

More than 42 million souls are wrestling with these student loans collectively owing more than £1.6 trillion. That's more than Arthur spends on a bad night out in Small Heath. This supposed relief? The interest rate on federal direct undergraduate loans could be 6.39%. Currently it's 6.53%. Don't get excited. By the time you've paid it off the world will have changed three times over.

The Fine Print Bites Back

For every £10,000 borrowed you're looking at a £113 monthly payment assuming a standard 10 year plan. Over a decade you'll be paying back £13,559.87. See? They always get their pound of flesh. It's like Polly always said 'There's no peace in this world only deals.'

Graduates Get the Stick

Graduate students naturally get a slightly sharper stick. Interest rates around 7.94% compared to the current 8.08%. And the PLUS loans? 8.94% down from 9.08%. Small mercies these. Small mercies in a world built on larger sins.

The Government's Game: Rigged from the Start

The government sets these rates once a year based on the May auction of the 10 year Treasury note. It's all a game isn't it? A rigged game. Like betting on a horse race where the horses are owned by the bookies.

Fixed Rates and False Promises

These new rates only apply to federal education loans issued on or after July 1 2025. Don't go thinking you can shuffle your existing debts. Those rates are fixed. Like my gaze when I'm making a deal. And remember private loans are another beast entirely. Higher rates based on your credit your co signer all that jazz. Just another way to keep you dancing to their tune. As I always say 'Everyone's a whore Grace. We just sell different parts of ourselves.'