By Order of the Market: Tariffs, Tech, and Tumbling Tickers

Apple's Orchard Turns Sour

Right so Trump's got a bee in his bonnet about iPhones. Says if they're made outside the U.S. there'll be a 25% tariff. Apple's shares took a right tumble didn't they? Makes you wonder if the man's got any sense. A bit like Alfie Solomons all bark and no trousers. But even Alfie knew when to cut a deal. This could get messy.

Nuclear Option: Boom or Bust?

Now this is interesting. Trump's pushing nuclear. Says he'll sign orders to boost it. Some of these companies Oklo and NuScale they're seeing a right good surge. Up 8% each. Constellation and Cameco too. Seems like someone's betting on the future. Or maybe they just know something we don't. Either way keep an eye on it. 'Intelligence is a very valuable thing innit my friend?'

Intuit's Insight: A Bit Too Rosy?

Intuit's chirping about a cracking year. Earnings forecast up analysts eating their hats. 'Everyone's a whore Grace. We just sell different parts of ourselves.' Even accountants eh? But I’ve learned to trust very few in my line of work.

Retail Roulette: Tariffs Taking Toll

Ross Stores and Deckers are in the muck. Ross is pulling its guidance blaming tariffs. Deckers the Ugg boot mob they're not even bothering to guess for 2026. 'Macroeconomic uncertainty,' they say. Sounds like bollocks to me. More like they're scared stiff of losing their shirts.

Tesla's Gamble: Robotaxis or Wreck?

Tesla's down a bit but some bloke at Wedbush Dan Ives he's still spouting about a 'golden age of autonomous.' Robotaxis next month in Austin apparently. I'll believe it when I see it. 'Whiskey's good proofing water. Tells you who's real and who isn't.'

Xerox's Cuts: A Sign of Desperation?

Xerox now they're in a proper state. Cutting their dividend by 80%. That's desperate even for them. 'Lies travel faster than truth.' And bad news spreads even quicker. Let's see if this Lexmark deal can save them. I doubt it.