Bloody Tariffs and Robotaxis: By Order of the Stock Market

Apple's Rotten Core

So Trump’s got his claws into Apple eh? Claims they gotta pay a 25% tariff on iPhones made outside the U.S. Shares took a tumble 3.5%. Seems even the mighty can bleed. Reminds me of a scrap I had with the Lee family back in the day. Thought they were untouchable they weren’t. Everyone pays their dues eventually. This tariff business? It's like a razor blade hidden in a flat cap – looks harmless but it'll cut you deep. 'Whiskey's good proofing water. Tells you who's real and who ain't'.

Nukes Are Back Baby

Nuclear energy’s making a comeback? Now there's a power play I can appreciate. Trump's supposedly signing orders to boost the lot of them. Oklo and NuScale up 8%. Constellation and Cameco doing alright too. See sometimes you gotta fight fire with fire… or in this case uranium. Remember 'Sometimes death is a kindness'. A clean energy future can keep us all safe from climate change.

Intuit's Golden Ticket

Intuit’s laughing all the way to the bank. Shares up nearly 8% 'cause of a rosy forecast. Adjusted earnings they’re talking about $20.07 to $20.12 per share. Means more for me and even more for them I'm sure. Makes you wonder where they stashed all the real gold.

Retail Bloodbath

Ross Stores and Deckers Outdoor… Now there's a right pair if you know what I mean. Ross withdrew their guidance citing tariffs. Deckers the Ugg boot boys declined to provide any for 2026 due to global trade worries. Shares plunged. Seems like everyone’s feeling the pinch. Reminds me of losing Polly... Sometimes it feels like everyone I love dies. I just keep on. Even tariffs can't kill you eh?

Tesla's Electric Dream

Tesla eh? Shares dipped 1.1% even with some analyst fellow named Ives raising the price target. Says the "golden age of autonomous" is here. Robotaxis coming to Austin next month. Bloody hell what's next flying cars? Still could be profitable that one. Like I always say: 'If you plan something well enough you don’t need luck'. Let's see what Elon has up his sleeve.

Xerox's Dividend Decimation

Xerox cutting its dividend by 80%? From 12.5 cents to 2.5 cents? Desperate times desperate measures. Like I always say 'Everyone's a whore Grace. We just sell different parts of ourselves.' Seems they're selling off their future for a quick buck. Don't trust a man who cuts his dividends eh? They're hiding something. This Lexmark acquisition it's a gamble just like everything else. The only way to guarantee peace is by making the prospect of war unthinkable. And the only way to do that is to be ruthless.