Amazon's Rural Blitz: By Order of the Bloody Sheltons

The Shelby Company Ltd. Goes Digital… Sort Of

Right so Amazon that behemoth that sells everything from razor blades to bloody tractors is moving into the sticks. Says they're gonna bring same day delivery to over 4,000 small towns and rural areas. 'For the first time,' they claim. As if those folk out there haven't been waiting long enough. It's like telling a Romany they can finally have a decent bet on the gee gees – long overdue innit?

Four Billion Quid? Pocket Change.

They're throwing four billion at this venture by 1926 – that's a lot of bloody whiskey. Tripling their rural delivery network they say. Makes you wonder what they're really up to. Always gotta look under the bonnet eh? Someone's making a bloody fortune and it ain't the horses.

The Competition: More Like Annoying Gnats

Amazon's got competition they say. Walmart Temu Shein TikTok Shop. Sounds like a right gaggle of gypsies trying to undercut the market. They're selling 'ultra discounted wares'. Cheap is cheap. Quality costs. But then again everyone wants a bloody bargain don't they? Even the bloody Peaky Blinders when we're not paying protection fees that is.

Transforming Daily Life? More Like a Bloody Inconvenience Preventer

Amazon spouts off about 'transforming daily life for rural customers'. Sounds like bloody Churchill rhetoric if you ask me. All the while people will be able to get their goods quicker they're really just trying to stop people from having to go into town as often.

Prime Day: A 96 Hour Bender of Bargains

Now this 'Prime Day' thing. Four days of non stop deals and discounts. It's a bloody free for all. Like throwing scraps to a pack of starving dogs. But hey if people want to waste their money on trinkets who am I to stop them? Just means more business for everyone one way or another.

No Fighting!

So Amazon's going rural. Will it work? Maybe. Will it be bloody interesting to watch? Absolutely. Just remember what I always say: 'Everyone's a wh*re Grace. We just sell different parts of ourselves.' And Amazon they're selling convenience. Let's see if it pays off.